This month we are talking with Crystal Donak about:
About Crystal:
Crystal has been a military partner for 12 years.
In that time, she was the Vice Chair of the PMFRC Board of Directors for several years - and completed original research on how military families and MFRCs engage and communicate with each other. This original research resulted in the development of a communication model detailing how information flows between bases, military members, their families and MFRCs as a family is posted to a base.
During Crystal’s first posting with her spouse, she quickly realized that moving frequently could significantly impact her career - so such decided to launch a digital business that could move with her. As a result of needing to constantly flex her resiliency and problem-solving skills, she decided to launch a business which teaches kids to develop those skills as an elementary student; called Kaper Kids.
Crystal and her two young daughters create kits that help kids learn resiliency and problem-solving through an ongoing, personalized and interactive storyline.
Throughout her time as a military spouse, Crystal has lived in Ottawa, Petawawa, and Hamilton and is currently in Comox, BC.
You can find more information about Kaper Kids at https://kaperkits.com/minikaper or by following them on social media at:
This month we are talking with Crystal Donak about:
About Crystal:
Crystal has been a military partner for 12 years.
In that time, she was the Vice Chair of the PMFRC Board of Directors for several years - and completed original research on how military families and MFRCs engage and communicate with each other. This original research resulted in the development of a communication model detailing how information flows between bases, military members, their families and MFRCs as a family is posted to a base.
During Crystal’s first posting with her spouse, she quickly realized that moving frequently could significantly impact her career - so such decided to launch a digital business that could move with her. As a result of needing to constantly flex her resiliency and problem-solving skills, she decided to launch a business which teaches kids to develop those skills as an elementary student; called Kaper Kids.
Crystal and her two young daughters create kits that help kids learn resiliency and problem-solving through an ongoing, personalized and interactive storyline.
Throughout her time as a military spouse, Crystal has lived in Ottawa, Petawawa, and Hamilton and is currently in Comox, BC.
You can find more information about Kaper Kids at https://kaperkits.com/minikaper or by following them on social media at:
Intro:
Welcome to Military Family Life, the podcast for Canadian military family members, by military family members. Do you ever wish you had guidebook or mentor to help you with some of the challenges you're facing as part of a military family? Each episode we're going to bring you the stories of people who have been there. They're going to share the lessons that they've learned along the way to help you live your best military family life.
Julie [00:00:28]:
Hi, and welcome to a brand-new year of Military Family Life. My name is Julie Hollinger. This month, my co-host Claudia Beswick and I are talking with Crystal Donak. Claudia and I know Crystal from her time in Petawawa so, we were really excited to have this opportunity to catch up with her and to learn about where life has taken her since she and her family left Petawawa.
Crystal has been a military partner for 12 years. For several years, she was the vice chair of the Military Family Resource Center, Board of Directors here in Petawawa. She also completed some original research on how military families and MFRC’s engage and communicate with each other. This research resulted in the development of a communication model that details how information flows between bases, military members, their families, and MFRCs, as a family is posted to a base.
During Crystal’s first posting with her spouse, she quickly realized that moving frequently could significantly impact her career. So, she decided to launch a digital business that could move with her. As a result of needing to constantly flex her resiliency and problem-solving skills, she decided to launch a business that teaches kids to develop these skills as elementary students, and it's called Kaper Kids. Crystal and her two young daughters create kits that help kids learn these problem-solving skills through an ongoing, personalized, and interactive storyline.
Throughout her time as a military spouse, Ottawa, Petawawa, Hamilton, and she and her family are currently living in Comox, BC. We hope you enjoy our conversation with Crystal.
Claudia [00:01:48]:
Hey everyone, Claudia here welcoming you back to our little podcast. Today with us we have Crystal Donak and I'm very happy to have her join us. Crystal was on the board of directors at the PMFRC when we - actually when I first got hired about eight and a half - nine years ago, and we stayed connected through some of our social media sites and Crystal I think is a military spouse. She has done a lot of interesting and different things. And we're really looking forward to having her chat with us about what she's been up to. Because I haven't actually seen her and oh my goodness, six - seven years.
So, Julie's also here with us today and, Julie, anything that you want to say to- to start us off?
Julie:
Nothing really, just welcome to Crystal it's great to have you here. It's been a while since you have left the Petawawa area and went to – I’m not going to say nicer areas but it's certainly nice to watch you at the beach. So, that's- I’m a little bit jealous of that. Before we start, I have read your bio, so people know a little bit about you, but maybe in your own words, maybe just- you know - introduce yourself and talk about what's your connection to the military.
Crystal:
Hi, guys. I'm really happy to be here too. I think I was still on the board too when Julie came on. I remember her starting. I'm happy to talk with you. I enjoyed your company then. And I love following you on Facebook as well. So, my name is Crystal, as Claudia mentioned, and I'm a military spouse. I’ve been a military spouse for 12 years. Well, married 11 but together for 12 and so Kevin, my husband was artillery officer for a number of years and then decided that wasn't quite what he wanted to do. He was not feeling it was a perfect fit, which happens to many of us in our business - in our jobs - in our lives where we do something for a while, and we need an adjustment.
So, he went into the Reserves, and he started his own business on the side. But he was also working in the Reserves. He was - he ended up working full time doing accommodation type, leadership role. And then he said to me one day, he's like, “Honey, you're going to be mad at me.”
And I looked at him and I said, “ohhh”
Julie:
That’s never a good start.
Crystal:
Right?
Julie:
That’s never a good start to a conversation.
Crystal:
It’s the only time he's ever said this and so, it prepared me, it was great. So, I sat there, and I was like, “Okay, go.”
And he says, “I want to become a doctor.”
And I looked at him and I laughed. I said, “what wife is going to get mad at that sentence?”
However, we had two young kids or maybe like even just newly born - young a three - one and a half year old and a brand-new baby. So, it is quite a challenging time if you're going to become a doctor when you know you're in your 30s.
And so, he rejoined the military because we had the discussion of “how do we afford this?”
Plus, he's always had a connection to the military, and I've always been very proud of -of what we do as a military couple. I've always believed that the family is just as in service to the military as – as the - as the military member is because of what - we chose to love military member. We didn't choose necessarily - choose the military. So, to make it work, it's very - it can be really challenging, but I'm very proud of what we do as family and how we overcome the challenges that are faced by military members.
So, he got into medical school, we got- moved to Hamilton, and we left Petawawa and I was very sad.
Claudia [00:05:10]:
We were very sad when we found out you were leaving, but at that time you still weren't that far from us, not like you are now.
Crystal:
I know! So, now he's done medical school. And I've had my own journey, which I'm sure we'll talk about. He's graduated as a military doctor. We were very blessed. I said to the military Gods “Listen, I want to go to Comox. It's time and Kevin make it happen.”
Which normally this doesn’t actually work. Who are we kidding? Until you get that pink slip of paper like you don't know where you're going. But because Kevin had - had we believe - you never actually know the decision making, right? But because Kevin has had experience in the military and it’s a very small base here to jump into a new position - when there's – it’s a very - very small trade. It's - it can be challenging, and when there's not a lot of guidance. It's a very small trade so, there's not very many people to guide Kevin in the military - quote unquote - ways or I'm not - I don't have the - have the words that they use.
Whatever they do, they do, right? So –
Julie:
But if you can somehow bottle that training on how to “I would like to go x place” and manage to make that happen with the military gods. I think that is - that is definitely a ticket to success.
Crystal:
Right? I can make a lot of money on that one.
Julie:
I watch the spouse groups and there's always these people saying “I'm making my list of the top three places that I want to – you know- to live.”
I'm always like, “Oh, bless your heart. You're not going to any of those places.”
Crystal:
I know, right? We had listed seven and then we prioritize them and then we don’t even talk about it to be honest.
Claudia:
But Crystal honestly, the fact that you - you say that it doesn't surprise me that you're actually there. Because from what I've known of you in the years that I - you know – that I was blessed to be a friend and also work with you from the board perspective, that you - you have this vision, and you will do what you need to do to make it happen.
So irregardless of praying to the career managers/posting God's no doubt in my mind you would have ended up on the west coast at some point in time in his career.
Crystal [00:07:15]:
Thank you. I didn't bribe - I didn't bribe them I swear.
Julie:
Before you met your spouse did you - were you involved at all in the military? Did you have a background as a military kid or was this all brand new?
Crystal:
It was all brand new. I just met Kevin it was like rolled over by him. He’s pretty cute guys, I’m telling ya! So, I kept him and he's in the military and I was – This is probably an overshare, but I always found the idea of the military uniform was like very attractive. I'm not gonna lie. That's – this- It’s true. So, when he told me he was in the military…
Claudia:
And now you have it - Now you have a doctor.
Crystal:
Right? Oh, he looks good on paper ladies. He's not perfect.
Claudia:
I've met him. I've met him and you're not wrong. He’s- He’s- he's a pretty cool dude.
Crystal:
Yeah,
Julie:
I was the exact opposite. when I found out that - my husband when I met him when he said he was in the military. I'm like, “Oh, I think that's going to be a deal breaker for me.”
But, like he – he was very, very cute and he kind of won me over. So-
Crystal:
Right? It happens!
Claudia:
So, Crystal listen, you talked about your own journey and everything that you know - kind of the plan that you have laid out for yourself. When I knew you were working full time and then you got posted outside of Petawawa. So, you know, you gave up your job and you moved to a new area, and you have two beautiful little girls. So, what was your – how has your journey changed? You – you worked full time, what made you go down the path that you went down, creating your own business and doing you know, something different?
Crystal [00:09:00]:
So, you kind of touched on my personality a little bit earlier. And when I was a kid, if you asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up, grew up the answer until I was probably in my mid 20s was “Rule the world.”
Julie:
I have a daughter like that.
Claudia:
I'm not surprised!
Crystal:
Right? I wanted to rule the world and what I didn't understand in the naivety of youth is that I just wanted to rule my own world. Ruling the whole world? That's terrifying! Who are we kidding. But, ruling my world!
And when I met Kevin, I said - I was always very career focused. I'm absolutely career focused. And I always said, “I'm not moving anywhere where I have to work in a job that doesn't suit me.”
So, when we got engaged, and I was moving to Petawawa I was understandably nervous, because I was moving from Ottawa. I had a very - I want to say high power job in politics, municipal politics, but I was not only very busy, but I had a very good job that I loved!
So, meeting someone who I loved more – it - like it threw a wrench in my big girl plans! I'm not going to lie. So, when I moved to Petawawa, I said, “Well, I'm not moving there until I get a job that I - I want or I like”
However, that being said, everybody's path is different. Everybody's goals are different, and everybody's things that fulfill them are different. This is just mine. I just want to make that, you know, it's understandable. So, when I moved to Petawawa, I got a job in communications at the nuclear research facility there, and it was right up my alley, I loved it.
And I'm also very passionate about the things I care about. Being part of the military community is very, I'm very passionate about it as well. So, the opportunity came up for me to volunteer on the Board of Directors, this is before I met Claudia, and I hadn’t sat on a board yet, but I had a lot of business and a lot of leadership experience. So, I thought it was a good volunteer position for me and I joined.
And then, I got to see a lot of both ends, one being how a Military Family Resource Center is run and the vision and the effort that go into that and the efforts that go in to serving the military families. But I'm also a military family, but at the time I had no children. And so, for me, I'm always fascinated by the dichotomy of two sides of a - two sides of a relationship.
And I say that now having gone to school about this stuff, which we'll discuss in a minute, but I thought it was always interesting to see the efforts of the MFRC that we put forward there and how it interplayed with the families and the reaction of the families and how they were actually utilizing the organization. And I loved it.
And then we got Claudia on - it took us two times. We - I don't know if anybody knows this but we had -we had an excellent ED, but she got posted and we put out to hire a new one, which was well- Military Family Resource Centers, that happens often. It’s a high turnover rate just due to the postings. So, we got Claudia, and she was in Moncton, have shared this story on the podcast yet?
Claudia:
Nope.
Crystal [00:12:05]:
Okay, so I'll start then you can jump in!
Claudia:
Okay!
Crystal:
So, she was in the process of, and I hope she jumps in when she's ready to but she was in the process of closing up the Moncton MFRC and she had made a commitment to them that she wouldn't leave. Which, unfortunately, we couldn't wait for her. We needed someone however, they ended up hiring a - We chose someone too quickly. So, we ended up having to go back to the drawing board, we had to get the ED back from - coming flying back in from the States every couple months - like it was a bit chaotic.
And then a year later, we snapped Claudia up when she was free and moved her across the country. Claudia, How do you - you - how did you feel about that?
Claudia:
I don't think it was quite a year, I did apply in advance, and I did make the commitment coming from the Moncton MFRC because Moncton had downsized the base, and so the MFRC was being dissolved. And it's challenging, right? You know, being - wanting to make a commitment to the staff that were in Moncton to see them through to the end.
So, you know, it was a bit – I was a bit sad when I didn't get the position right away. But I completely understood why, you know, it made the most sense because I believe that was August/September timeframe, and I had made the commitment till March.
Then I was approached and asked if I would apply again, a second time and I did. I came in person for the interview, and that's when I met the board.
Julie:
I think it says something that you had that much loyalty to your team that you're like “You know what? I've just made a commitment to stay with you and I'm going to pass - even if it means passing up an opportunity that - that I want to stay with you and make sure that I'm with you to the- to the end of this.”
Crystal:
And we respected that. I mean, obviously from the other side, we were sad, but we're sad for us, and we get it, and actually ended it gave her more – We already knew the ethic she had coming to the table because she proved it.
Claudia [00:13:54]:
Yeah. And it was closure right?
Crystal:
Yeah.
Claudia:
Like, I got to be able to say a true goodbye to the families there. And, you know, interestingly enough, there's a lot of families that were in Moncton that have crossed our paths here in Petawawa.
Crystal:
Of course, that’s how it works in the military.
Claudia:
But this podcast is not about me. It's about you. So, I think at the end of the day, you know, Crystal, you've - you've done some amazing things and you know you do live at the other end of the country now, but I stay connected with you through Facebook, and I was a little surprised and envious when I saw some of your Facebook posts coming from Australia. Of all places. So, I kind of wondered what the heck were you planning and I know there's stuff that you know, was in your life plan from when you left Petawawa because we can talk a bit about your research that you were doing and your schooling that you did all of that kind of stuff, but tell us what that decision was to go to Australia.
Crystal:
Sure!
Claudia:
And because I understand it was educational, right? Because just based on some of the posts that you had.
Crystal [00:15:00]:
Yeah! Well, one, I want to state for everyone listening if you are a woman and you have children and are married, go travel by yourself at least once. It was amazing! I came back and somebody asked me if I was pregnant because I was glowing. I'm like, “no, no, I just got to travel.”
And I mean, I love traveling with my family and I love traveling with my husband. But that independence and traveling across the world, not even country was just - like I loved it. It changed my life. When - Fast forward, leaving Petawawa, Kevin gets into medical school. We get to Hamilton, and I had decided to leave my job and I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to settle the kids in properly and whatnot.
And I went back to - to get my Master's in communication management and at the time – it gave - that gave me the confidence to start my own business. Kevin looked at me and this is the most supportive husband in existence at the time and he says, “you've hated every boss you've ever had.”
Which is not quite true. I do like them, but I don't always respect them. And if they hear this know that there's always a dichotomy and I'm sure you feel the same way about me. But this is the sentence “You’ve hated every boss you’ve ever had, it’s time to be your own boss.”
Julie:
I think some people are just - that’s their makeup. They are just made to work for themselves. And you know, that's where they'll always be happiest.
Crystal:
Yeah, absolutely. My brain works really, really fast. And I'm always coming up with solutions and problems with and – And Claudia mentioned earlier, I always have a plan. But part of my ingrained nature is the ability to be resilient and pivot and change and adjust and that is what you need to be a military spouse and it's one of my superpowers.
But when he told me that it really gave me the confidence to go out on my own. That and my master’s program but so I started my own business helping - I wanted to help female entrepreneurs build their business using communications and relationship building – Two of my skill sets.
And there's a mentor in Australia and she had a three-day conference, and my business wasn't as successful - I mean, you always hope to dream like it's going to be amazing right at the beginning and it's not ever and even though you see people who you haven't seen before and all of a sudden, they're like wildly successful. They have honestly put years and years and years into it behind the scenes that you haven't seen - You just see them now because they're all over the place.
So, at the time this woman, I really respected her. I couldn't find anyone closer. And we decided to spend like 1000s of dollars to send me to Australia. And the stories…
So, I went for 10 days, it took 10 days total. 30 hours to get there and 30 hours to get back and I was there for only five days. It's the first time I had left my children and it was like an elastic. So, we spent a lot of time preparing them because I believe in managing expectations of everyone. It makes life easier.
If you manage expectations and they know what to expect, then they're easier to handle it when it happens. Also, if you talk about different scenarios, it's easier for them to pivot, right? because “Oh, we've talked about this, we can go that way.”
Anyways, I went there for seven days or five days, sorry. And I went to this conference, and I met people who literally - I have a new best friend. She's 55. She was at this conference, and I talk to her every single day. She and I like- She’s one of my best friends now. And I’ve only seen for her then because of COVID we haven’t been able to get back. We’ve planned to go to Canada, I tried to go back to Australia. Thanks, COVID.
Anyways, so it changed me. I land and it's pitch black, and it’s been 30 hours. So, first I fly to Hong Kong and it’s 8am their time but it feels like 8pm my time. So, I'm having dinner at 8am, trying to connect with my kids. It's not working. Get on the plane. We get there in Australia and now it's dark. It had been literally 30 hours and I rent a car and Australia and if you don't know - you drive on the other side of the road. And doing that after 30 hours - I'm a very resilient person, I feel that if I put my mind to it, I generally can do almost anything, eventually – A roundabout on the wrong side of the road after 30 hours of travel.
Claudia:
Oh
Crystal:
So, I pulled over. I had to pull my big girl panties up and say “listen, you can do anything. You can learn to drive on the wrong side of the road. You will be fine.”
Thank God it was at night because it was like there's no - there's no traffic. And I had to drive like 30 minutes to get to where I was going. So, it wasn’t like around the corner. It was like in the boonies. It was amazing. And so, everyone’s like “Everything eats you in Australia”
Eh, that’s not true but I get there, it's like a – it’s like outdoor cabins. It’s midnight there- dragging my -trying to get into my room, and there's like – All I see out of the corner my eye is the biggest legs ever, and I'm thinking gigantic, man-eating spider. So, I - I yelled at the top of my lungs, and there is a Dutch couple like a little- playing cards - not too long - And they just looked at me like “Are you okay?”
And I thought it was a spider and I'm not normally scared of spiders. Oh my gosh. It was like grasshoppers. It was the biggest grass - grasshopper I've ever seen. Like think of like a three inch long grasshopper and the legs that would attach to that!
Claudia [00:20:20]:
At least you know with legs, it wasn't a snake.
Crystal:
True. Funny thing is I'm not a rule follower. I don't like rules.
But I go to check in officially the next day and there's a big sign with a brown snake on it. It says “beware”. Normally in Canada – like - I'm like “Yeah, whatever.”
However, she’s like “Anything brown, just stay away and you'll be fine.”
I’m like “Okay, rule check. I will follow that one.”
Julie:
Now, I hope on behalf of all of the spouses who have stayed home that you made the obnoxious calls home to say “I am so tired of having all of my meals made for me. Oh, it's exhausting to be in a hotel for so long.”
And the - I hope - the “the weather here is so hot. I don't even know how I’m going to handle it.”
I hope you did all of those things on behalf of the spouses who stay home!
Crystal:
So, I did make my own meals. I had a - a little - Because I was trying to save a little bit of money. But yeah, it was January. So, but honestly Australia's like coming home to Canada and it's only hotter. I felt so at home. I loved it. I was never really scared. I was never worried. And so, it was just amazing.
Julie:
What an incredible example for your girls!
Crystal:
Thank you!
Claudia:
Yeah, I was going to say and your kiddos survived at home too, right?
Crystal:
Yeah, well I’m very close to my children, as many of us are, but I am very intentional about it. I grew up in 80s, as many of us did and it was a very different environment. So, I'm very intentional about how I parent and actually – which leads into my current business now. But I'm very much – one about teaching my kids to be adults. I talk to them almost like they're adults in- in - that they can understand. And I mean, like not in the big word, but like I talk to them about subjects that many parents might not at their ages. And yeah, I knew they would be fine because they - they always are. Kids are like - They're like the most bounceable things ever. And that's what I call resiliency.
How bounceable are you? Do you remember in the 80s they had like those blow up – stuffed - not stuffed - Blow up like clowns? And you’d punch them, and they go down and then come back up. That's me. You can punch me, I will fly down – I will come back up.
Claudia [00:22:15]:
I think from a kid's perspective, it's like the Weeble wobbles.
Crystal:
Yes!
Claudia:
Do you remember those?
Crystal:
The Weeble Wobbles!
Claudia:
Yeah!
Crystal:
I know exactly what you're talking about. Kids are the same way. But as we get older that bounce ability kind of goes away and we have to be really cognizant of it and try our best. If we're- Can acknowledge something, then we can work on it, right?
So, teaching those resiliency skills as kids it's like, my whole everything I do right now. So anyway, so yeah, and that's started with going to Australia for 10 days without me preparing them beforehand and then managing their expectations of what it would be like when I was gone, and then making sure I had the supports in place. While I was gone. I mean, it's only 10 days. So, service couples will be like “oh, that's nothing I've been gone for six months”
And that's completely different and I completely understand. This is just - That was the most that I've been away from my children. And I felt - yeah, like an elastic where the connection between us just stretched and then it comes back.
Julie:
Do you think that being a military spouse and being the parent that stayed home with the kids made you prepare for this absence a little bit differently? Because – I mean, you've been on the other end, and you sort of know what it is for your kids to be away from a parent when they're traveling. Whether it be deployment or a course or an exercise.
Crystal:
Yeah,
Julie:
You obviously sort of think that you can prepare differently for your kids because you know what it's like for them on that side.
Crystal:
Yeah,
Julie:
and you can set it up a little bit better.
Crystal:
So, when we moved to Hamilton, I spent six months sitting on the floor with them, holding them while they cried, and they were crying excessively and I – like – I couldn't figure it out. But I literally would just sit on the floor and have - often both of them - in my arms. They were one and a half, and three and a half at the time. And I couldn't figure it out. Like I had no idea why they were crying. And six months later when they kind of eased up on the crying, it was like a light bulb, I was like “Oh, we moved, and Daddy’s gone all the time.”
Because Kevin being in medical school, while not the same as like a longer tasking, for them it was a very - such a big change. And the - And Kevin's a very - he's a very present parent as well. We are very tell- like were a team, all four of us.
Sometimes we even dress alike, and I do - I'm not kidding – I do that on purpose, because that - There's a reason teams dress alike. There's a reason there's a uniform in the military. It's to create a cohesive unit. And I'm very intentional about - like I said how I parent because I want us to be a cohesive unit and part of that is we're moving all the time.
And because we move all the time those roots you build up - when you're in one place for a long time - are not there, the roots are shallow, they can be shallow. I mean, they're deep in the fact that we can move all across the country and we know people - that's fantastic. And we can count on them in a way that we might not in the same time frame as not a military family, if that makes sense?
Because military families understand the same experience and I know I'll get back to the question, I’m probably getting off topic. But it's talking about preparing my children and preparing them for this life that we're living, every day because the roots are somewhat shallow, and they do have to make new friends and we do have to move and it's honestly, they probably – It’s not fair to them because they didn't make the choice.
Kevin and I made the choice and for them because they're kids obviously, they don't get the choice. They just have to go. And so, when I build – I’m intentional about building us as a family unit, and yup, I dress us alike you can see it on Facebook, and not every day like - Don't kid yourself like it's not all the time but like –
Claudia [00:25:25]:
I do - I do enjoy the theme based Halloween costumes,
Crystal:
Right? It's fun!
Julie:
So, I'm just going to say as the mother of teens, your- your opportunities to this is very limited.
Crystal:
Hundred percent!
Julie:
Once a year I'm like “We should all have a similar color on for the family portrait”
And the complaints that I hear “It’s fine, it’s one day, just make Mom happy! It’s one day!
Crystal:
Right? So, my kids are seven and nine now, so I still get away with it and they ask for it but I'm preparing myself for this.
So, preparing them for me to leave was very similar. It was managing expectations and saying “Hey, this is how long I'm going to be gone”
We created a calendar - We created a calendar leading up to it and a calendar while I was gone and so that they could - they would know exactly what to expect. How long I was gone, they could cross it off every single day. And they knew when Mommy was coming home. We had scheduled times, we figured out the time difference and so there was always a learning opportunity too when I went to Australia.
And I try and build that into my parenting and my business actually just life. Everything's a learning opportunity. And how can we make this - How can we learn from it? How can we make it better next time?
For example, like my kids are very young, knowing I was going to Australia we started looking up animals because my kids like animals. So, we started looking up on YouTube like different animals that were in Australia that Mommy would see so that they could feel connected to me while I was gone. And then they can continue to look up those animals while I was gone, and I would send them pictures of the actual animals. And we were - I put a lot of thought into preparing them for me to go because they never been without me for that long.
Claudia:
I want to stay with the kids for a second because leading into you - you keep calling it your business and you talk about your superpower. And I think everything that you've already spoken about and what your business evolves around kids. But I've seen a lot of what you - how you've incorporated your kids into your business and how it really emphasizes everything that you're talking about. I think it's a wonderful thing that you’re doing. And it doesn't seem like a business per se because I guess - you know - I don't know if you have a Facebook page for your - for your - I'm going to call it a business because I’ll let you talk about it.
But I do know I get to see tidbits of it on your Facebook page. And the pictures of your children working the project and just even recently some of the positive feedback that you had from this. So, talk a little bit about that and did some of your military experience that you've been dealing with for the past few years play into - into your business and what your vision was for the business?
Crystal [00:28:15]:
Oh, a hundred percent. Thank you. Thank you for all those lovely words too.
Yeah – Everything - So - I really - I believe in authenticity – I believe in - This sounds fluffy, and I don't know that that's the right word, but living your truth. Like who you are, you're not going to be happy unless you're living who you are and everything I've been talking about so far are the core tenets that go into my business.
My business is called Kaper Kids. And for years, I've always shared my life on social media, not as an influencer, just like with family and whatnot, but I'm an adventurous parent. I will do things with my children, spontaneously, and I have adventures with them. And I really, honestly, I like to be with them. I love kids. But I do not want to be a teacher. I do not want to be with - do not want to deal with their parents generally.
Kids are really cool though, and I really believe we underestimate them. I don't think we give them enough credit for how smart they really are.
So, Kaper Kids. So, all these beliefs I have - I looked around COVID - And my husband, as I said is - was in medical school. And many of you listening to this podcast will understand what I mean. When COVID started, nobody knew what was going on, right?
We're in Hamilton, so some of the hub of some of the bigger cases - case numbers. So, everyday he was working in the hospital, in the emergency room. He was probably one of the first cases of COVID in the- in Canada actually. It's not recorded because they didn't have a way to test it. Kevin never gets sick. The girls and I get sick every single time and I was coming back - the first time I heard about COVID, I was coming back from a conference in Florida.
And they had asked me if I’d been to China and I was so confused and we get back and Kevin’s in the hospital like working. Two weeks after I get back from Florida, he’s sick – Like down for the count. And we didn't know what was going on - And it was really scary. And I attributed it to being like sending to your husband or your spouse or your wife to deployment.
You don't know what you're sending them into, especially during Afghanistan, right? And there's this feeling of insecurity - of change - of you don't know what's going on. You just know that they're not home. They're not with you. They're not safe. Right?
And so, sending Kevin in while he's not in military scrubs, well, there are no such thing as military scrubs if anybody's wondering - but he's not in his uniform, but he's going into what felt like a war zone every single day.
However, the difference with deployment is once you send them - It's not like it's out of sight out of mind because it never is, but you don't see them come home everyday. You don't see what they actually have to deal with because they're not at home. You just hear what they tell you or what you read or what you unfortunately imagine.
However, in COVID, Kevin was coming home every day into the house. So, the analogy I kept making was like “It's like bringing war and unsafety into my home”
Julie:
To my children!
Crystal [00:31:10]:
To my children. Also, I'm a mama bear if you haven't noticed.
Claudia:
True story
Crystal:
Right? We won’t go on that tangent - But so, every day it was like that. Every single day. He would leave – I would send him, then I would get him back 12 hours, 13 hours, 14 hours later. So, that was what it was like at the beginning.
And then all of a sudden, I turned into - I was running this business, helping entrepreneurs and businesses grow and I was loving it. But all of a sudden, we're locked in - in Ontario and I had these kids at home and with Kevin in medical school – I just couldn’t do it. I couldn't handle my business and their clients and their needs, and my kids needs and because my kids will always come first. And that may or may not be healthy. But that is just the way I am. So, I closed down my – I literally burnt my business to the ground. I turned down a $50,000 contract that I was in the process of signing, because I knew that I couldn't give what the client needed over that timeframe. And I said, “I have to give this to my kids and to me, because I can”
I was also doing my Masters at the time, so there’s that! I was in the middle of research. So, we talked about getting knocked down and pivoting. We've all lived it. But I'm just very proud of how I can pick myself up and adjust, and pivot and this is one of those times.
So, I looked around and it had been like six months, and I fit - so I turned - quit my business. I just stayed home with my kids. We like grew mushrooms and we went ice hiking – What parent takes their kids ice hiking? Me! This parent. It was safe, I swear. I'm not going to lie we were the only ones there.
Julie:
I'm morphing into our parents.
Crystal:
And that is okay. Every parent is great in their own way, and I honestly wish we would all look in the mirror and say “I am a damn good parent.”
If you're giving your best to your kids, no matter what that looks like, if you love your kids, and if you're trying your hardest, you are good parent. I will shout that from the roof. So, when I tell people I'm a good parent, I am a very good parent but so are you. So no, you don't have to take your kids ice hiking to be a good parent.
It's- My kids actually don't like breaking the rules and they hate it when I'm late for school for them. So, like it's the opposite - I stress them out! I’m teaching them for life, ladies.
Julie [00:33:05]:
I think being a parent is like being a military spouse. We all do it differently, but we're all doing it in our own way.
Crystal:
Yeah!
Julie:
There's some military spouses who are never talking about things that are going wrong and handling everything on their own. And I would never tell them – Like – Okay when my husband calls and he’s gone I’m going to do the laundry list of all of the things that I have done because you were gone. So, he fully appreciates.
Crystal:
Yes. Oh, yes!
Julie:
The contribution that I have made.
Crystal:
One hundred percent! That’s me!
Julie:
And I tell my friends “How will he know how big of a gift he has to buy me if I haven't told them all the things that went wrong?”
Crystal:
Or the gift I'm going to buy me!
Julie:
Exactly.
Crystal:
Because I want it to be right.
Julie:
Clearly, I love him because I'm willing to do that for him.
Crystal:
Exactly. I'm willing to go buy my own gift. It’s perfect!
Julie:
You're welcome!
Crystal:
I’m happy, your happy. Yep. You're welcome.
Claudia:
You guys both crack me up. I have done neither of those things.
Crystal:
I know. We know.
Claudia:
I'm the other type.
Julie:
Yeah. You're the other type of military spouse and you are doing it right too.
Claudia:
Right? Well, something to be said for that. It will be 36 years next month. So, there you go.
Crystal:
And the two of you work so well, because you are very different.
Claudia:
Polar opposites.
Crystal:
Yeah, right?
Claudia:
Yeah.
Julie:
Does my husband wish that I was the other type of military spouse? Maybe sometimes. Maybe sometimes he does.
Claudia:
So, I have also - when Crystal says these things she is very real. Because on top of her Masters - on top of her Kaper Kids - On top of the move, I have seen pictures of her refurbishing furniture, renovating bathrooms - I believe it was, I know you renovated something.
Crystal [00:34:44]:
Yup! I don't know how to do it, but I did it!
Claudia:
But she did it and very proud of it and I'm very proud of showcasing her success. So yeah, she - she is what she says she is absolutely, without a doubt. I really respect that because a lot of things that you have done, I'm not sure that I would have that. Refurbishing furniture? Absolutely. Renovating a bathroom? Not so much! My husband wouldn't let me near a saw or anything like that. He takes my hammers away sometimes.
Crystal:
Thank you for that though Claudia. And I do - I try to be as authentic and I also try to share some of the stumbles I have.
As hard as that is, it's very easy for social media for you to see all the wonderful things but I had a stumble this weekend and I did share it with a little bit and I plan on sharing it a little bit more. Not to be complaining but to be like “this is - this is the real truth of what this looks like.” Life is not all peaches and roses.
Okay, but back to the time - getting Kaper Kids and COVID. So, I was doing my research and I had - this sounds braggy, but I did really good research and I was really proud of it, but it was a lot of work. My professor told me it was almost - I did my Master's in communications management, and it requires an original piece of research on some sort of public relations or communications theme, and I did mine in how military families look for information when they are struggling or having a look at like - dealing with the unique challenges we face as military families. And then I - on the other side I interviewed executive directors about how the MFRC did in communicating with the military families. And then I compared to contrasted and - and whatnot.
So, it was fascinating - something I'm passionate about; military families and what - what we have to overcome some days with grace and some days would not. So, I presented my research and I passed with honors and two days later, I turned 40, during COVID. And there's no celebration for anything that I had done. I love my husband very much but there's - everybody knows what a doctor is - there's always a celebration because he's a doctor. And without our support, he wouldn't be a doctor. He wouldn't be a military member without the support of me and the kids. It just wouldn't happen. And he admits that like I'm not saying anything that he hasn't said.
So, there's always the celebration of my husband, my husband being a military member. “Thank you for your service.”
And I'm like, “hey, what about me?”
And I've written about this also – publicly - about how on Remembrance Day, nod to the - to the spouse and nod to their spouse, because we're both serving our country because often our military members could not do what they do without the support of us back home. Whoever - however that support or love or whatever it looks like, they couldn't be as successful as they are without us.
So yeah, there was no celebration. I was like, I was really sad. It's like a really rough time. I had completed my Master's in my 40s like I'm the only one in my family who's got a degree and let alone a Master’s. It’s a big deal, for me anyway. And I turned 40, that was also a big deal! And then it was COVID, it was awful. And so, I was on my way to depression. I've never been depressed my- in my life because I'm resilient and bouncable, I just go with the flow, you know? Over, under, around, whatever I got to do. And like it was rough and I did not like being locked in with my kids. I love them. I'm an adventure parent, but with them all the time was not good for me. And I looked around and I was like “we are not handling this well.”
And I say “we” I mean the world is not handling it well. We are not resilient. Adults are not dealing with this change. And I took four weeks off. I probably slept I think for four weeks straight after finishing my Master’s that fall. I needed a break. I do too much sometimes, who doesn’t?
So, we finally get to go to dinner. My mom comes to babysit, we have our masks on, we go to dinner. It's October of 2020. It's the first time we've been on a date in like a year, freaking forever! And he's like “Okay, what do you want to do now? You – do you want to go back to your business? Like - it's - the kids are kind of finally back in school like what you want to do? You're done school, you’re done your school.”
And I was like; “No, I don't want to teach adults anymore. What do I want to do? What do I like doing?”
And the one thing that – I - Earlier in the podcast I mentioned going to Australia to meet a mentor and the one thing she says - she calls them genius zones, the things that you're really good at. Like Claudia’s office is amazing. It always looks very homey, and you're comfortable going in and she's very good at that. Not every office looks like that. It's something that comes naturally to her, she probably doesn't think about it. So, that's what a genius zone is. When you are really good at something, and you look around you're like “Why? Why everybody can do this.”
No, everybody can't. And two of my genius zones are I’m really resilient and I teach it really well to my children. I'm a very great parent, and I'm also very business minded. So those two skills are my superpower. Those are - those are all the things that build into my business. And I said you know like “I don’t want to teach adults. I want to teach kids”
Then I was like, “oh, I want to teach kids entrepreneur skills.”
And I'm like, “Wait a minute.”
What kid at six is like “Hey, Mommy, I want to be an entrepreneur.”
Like no, they don't even know what that word is. But I was like, “what are the skills that make a good entrepreneur? Resiliency and problem solving.”
Oh, wait a minute. Light bulb. It was like literally-
Julie [00:40:10]:
Those are life skills!
Crystal:
Right? Yes! the light - the sun opened up and it was nighttime, like so magic. Those are life skills. That is what makes everyone successful. It doesn't matter if you're a single parent, pulling peanut butter out of your hair and you're going on your day with grace that is success girlfriend! I'm telling you, right? It doesn't matter what you do. I don't mean a doctor, I don’t mean a lawyer. I don't care what you do. How you handle life as an adult. If you have problem solving skills, and you're resilient, you can do it. And then I looked around the world saying, “we're not doing it.”
How do we change that? We teach it to kids, because obviously us - generation weren’t taught it as well as we could have been. Some of us have it and some of – and- And we're all struggling with it even though I'm touting that I'm resilient. Well. I didn't bounce back in September, right like, it's not – It - It comes and goes.
So, the idea was that I wanted to teach it to kids. Now, how do I do that? How can I make an impact? And for years and waiting for that light bulb moment. I always knew there was something. I always wanted to have an impact, or I care about people. I’m always - that's why I volunteer. That's why I do things for other people because I want to help them be better or help them in their life however that looks. And - and so Kapper Kids was born that day.
And I went home and my mom was babysitting. I was like talking a mile a minute telling her all about it. We're all excited. And then we moved across the country.
Julie:
Nothing's ever easy.
Claudia:
Welcome to the military life.
Crystal [00:41:45]:
And Kevin was graduating medical school. So, he was – So I had started, and I did all this stuff, and I burnt out. So, that four weeks I was sleeping I needed actually six months.
So, I did all this stuff. I got excited and started building this Kaper Kids business in the first- envisionment? That’s not a word. The first vision I had for it and December came so like a month later, a month and a half later and I crashed, hard. Everybody did and I did and it's the first time I've ever crashed in my life, and it took six months. No, it took a year. We moved across the country, Kevin graduated medical school and had to start this new career as a doctor.
And it's - I'm not going – that’s his story, so I don't want to go into it, but it's not as easy as it looks. There's all these challenges, and I wasn't bouncing back myself and – One I was shocked that I was not bouncing back because it was the first time and we moved across the country to a place you want to go, which is great. But then Kevin got sick and was in the hospital for two weeks. Right after I had surgery. It was like one thing after another, this last- like 2021, worst year of my life. Not going to lie.
So, Kaper Kids was on hold. And life was on hold because we were just surviving at that moment, and still trying to deal with COVID like everybody else. And it was just really rough.
And so, we finally moved here and I spent - Oh I'm in Comox by the way, I don't know if we told people that I'm in Comox, BC. So, I live on the ocean now. Before I used to fly for hours to get to the ocean, now I am there. And I can drive 10 minutes and it's wonderful. And it's a small town and I'm used to a big town so there’s also challenges. It's a very different culture moving to BC from Ontario. It almost felt like the difference between Canada and the States. It’s that much of a difference for me, I'm a very fast paced woman. Island time is not a thing for me, and I've been here a year. What takes a week or a day in Ontario takes a week and a half on the island and so it's – its an adjustment when you move across the country just like we all know, we've all done it. I'm - Probably every province is like that, but I’ve never moved out East, I’d like it there too.
So, we moved out here, and it’s beautiful, there’s mountains and there’s skiing and there’s oceans and it’s awesome. And every day I would drop my kids off to school and for the first – I’m going to say three or four months all I did was heal. Heal from the move and from all the last - all the - the last couple years, and I walked the beach every single day. And I look for ocean. I look for – I call them treasures; I get crafting too. So, I would walk the beach looking for treasures, different seashells, broken - like it didn't matter - like if they were beautiful in any way, I wanted them.
Now, I make ornaments and send them back. Ornaments with seashells and with bits and pieces I've collected over the last couple years. And send them back to my friends in Ontario but it took me four months? No, maybe longer. I don't actually know. I was walking that beach almost every single day. And just like telling myself it was okay not to be busy; telling myself it was okay not to be doing Kaper Kids; telling myself it was okay to not be okay. And I wasn't. So, yeah. Every day I would walk and pick up these seashells and take them home and wash them and deal with life but not doing anything for me. Not doing the business, not doing a Master’s, not doing anything.
And every time I thought of Kaper Kids, it would - you can't see me, but I’m crunched up and my hands are crunched up and that's how it felt - It felt crunchy in my chest, but I would have to push that back because I wasn't ready for Kaper Kids. I wasn't ready. My family wasn't ready. My kids weren’t ready. Kevin wasn't ready for me to be away from the family unit. Because that for me is always going to be priority. And we weren’t ready. I wasn't ready to do it. But I knew it needed to be done. I knew it was going to be a thing and it has a lot of power in it. And what it is – it’s literally teaching kids resiliency and problem solving. And I'm very creative, and I have a million stories going on in my head. I think that I could tell stories all day long.
So, it's a story based - An interactive story based, and it’s personalized. So, every skill set I've ever used, as a marketer, as a communicator, as a parent is in this business. Eventually- when did I start? In February of this year, I was like “Okay, I'm ready now. Kevin, are you ready?”
He said yes and the kids were ready. So, we pulled out a whiteboard and we just decided to start talking about lands that these - our characters could go to every month. “What land you want to visit through a magic portal?”
And I am 42 and I want to go through magic portal. I don't care. I will admit it. I will go to Candyland. I will go to Dragon District. I will fly with the dragons, 100%. That sounds amazing! Who doesn’t want to do that? Right?
So, we sat there and there's the first picture I have is Evy and Izzy and I, writing on a whiteboard, just every single land that we could send characters to. Because the story is that Olivia and Noah go to lands and they - they have to solve problems and all the characters and there's five characters in each land that they interact with, and they have challenges - puzzles, logic problems, word problems that’s designed to be a little bit hard. And the kids - it's three levels. Each one's and the kids have to solve these puzzles with Olivia and Noah.
And it's personalized, so the first letter they get it says, “Dear Claudia, thank goodness you got this letter in time, because we need your help.”
Right? And you are five and 10 and Olivia and Noah are 13. “Oh, my goodness! An older kid needs my help. I am in.”
I'm in and I'm 42! So, every piece of psychology that I've ever studied, that I've ever observed that, anything Kevin has talked to me about in his studies has gone into this. To encourage and motivate the kids to actually finish these puzzles because sometimes there not easy and there’s three levels. And we have mindfulness built in being like “Hey, it's okay to take a break and come back to it.”
I did that. I took six months, maybe a year. Right? These things are needed, it doesn't mean you're failing. It just means that you need a break, you're frustrated. You're not in the right frame of mind to finish these puzzles or something going on in life. And if you can learn to do that, you can be successful as an adult. It's okay to be not okay, but it's – You’ve got to come back to it.
Julie [00:48:00]:
That in itself is an incredible lesson for kids to learn.
Crystal:
Right and the other thing is my kids are doing it with me, I take their opinion and I actually – I don't just discount it. I mean, sometimes I do, who am I kidding? Like we all do. But the last land you go to - so there’s six lands and it’s a six months subscription. So, you - you go to all these lands and the last one I said to Evy who’s seven and I said, “how do – How should we finish it? The land is called Cosmic catapult. What should we do with that?”
We had the names, but we didn't know where we were going. And we had to have kind of the story built before we started. And she says to me “Mommy, they need to go to all the planets and then get home”
And I'm like, “No, baby. They only go to one land at a time. They- they we can’t do that.”
And she was like “No, Mom. Then they get home - to Earth.”
And I was like, “Woah. That's amazing!”
And that is what we did. And so, building my kids into this teaches them a gazillion other skills –
Julie:
And they have an ownership over it. If Mum’s busy working on it, they know why because they're a part of it, too.
Crystal:
Yeah and they don't complain about it. Not yet anyways, I'm sure they will. But like when I say, “Hey, we got to do this. Like I need you to test these puzzles. I need you to build these puzzles with me,”
Whatever. They're like, “Okay, Mom”
You know right now, it's 830 in the morning, and I said to my kids, “Hey, guys, you have to get ready.”
They're 7 and 9 and they got up, I have no idea what they did it and now they're going to - my mom's taking them to school. They did it all their own - on their own. They pack their lunch, they got dressed, Izzy helped Evy with her hair. And I didn't do any of it. Because I've taught them how to do it. Right?
And if we do all the things for our children, when COVID hits, when they're adults, they won't know how to do the things. So, all of these skills and these beliefs that I have, and I'm not saying I'm right - none of us are right. There's no right answer to anything.
But it goes back to my statement of you're a good parent no matter what you do. Right? You can be a stay home mom, you're good. You can work 9-5, you can be deployed 6 months, you're still a good parent.
So, that's everything I built into Kaper Kids, and it's just – It got launched in May? And I just did my second round which was not as successful as I wanted it to be. And I cried Monday or Sunday night, I cried a lot. I did not sell as many as I wanted to and needed to. But I got up Monday morning and I have a new list of all the things that I need to bring cash into my business so that I can keep it going so that I don't have to go back to corporate.
That is called being bounceable. I got knocked down this weekend, 100%. But I realized when I wrote my list, I’m like, “I am doing what I'm teaching”
And I didn't know I was doing it until I was thinking about it. So, if - Yes - And your original question was has being a military spouse affected that? 100% I know I get off track, I’m sorry!
Julie:
You - You looped it back around. We came back.
Crystal:
Sorry. Absolutely. Because my spouse and it doesn't matter like what - who your spouse is but like your partner, they could have to leave right away and then you'd have to change your - your routine, right? We need to be able to prepare for that. I know the MFRC’s try and encourage different ways to be prepared for that. You know? They can be called in the middle of the night. We're on an Air Force base. So, it's actually very quick turn around, they’re not gone as long but they're gone like right away, because they go into the mountains to rescue people. Well, you don't wait for that. There's no pre deployment. It's like you’ve got to go!
Right? And if you're not - if you're a spouse who can pivot when these things happen and have plans in place in different scenarios than it makes it a lot easier. And the skills that I employ as a military spouse are absolutely built into Kaper Kids.
My research is actually called Operation Resilience. So, the research I did into military families, that’s what I called it, Operation Resilience.
Julie [00:51:30]:
It's amazing how you sort of get involved in this military life in one way or another. It sort of takes over really everything. Like so much of what you do later on.
Crystal:
You can't help it. It's - You chose to love who you love. And then you just - Doesn't matter what they do. They could be a paramedic; they could be a doctor; they could be RCMP. Like it doesn't necessarily - there's many similarities across various industries but by choosing to love that person and make a life with that person that just comes with different challenges.
And you could be an adventure person, or you could be that person that will stay – want to stay in one city all their life. That's a challenge. You have to pivot and be able to flex. Flexibility, bounceability all - all those things to be as successful.
Or and I do want to say this, have the courage to look for help when you need it. Because you can't always just bounce back. You know, I was fortunate that I could walk the beach every day. It was only because of our situation. It takes courage to actually ask for help. And often, we want to solve the problems ourselves and - and it's not possible.
So, I think that's where a great MFRC comes in place. They do connect you with, you know the different resources in the community or resources that they have. When you do need help. And I mean go there when you don't need help, because then you'll feel comfortable, more comfortable when you do.
Claudia:
I just want to say Crystal, you know, you've accomplished so much over the past few years, and I just want to say thanks for being so real because - you know what we see - what I've seen in social media doesn't naturally –
Crystal:
You didn’t know, did you?
Claudia:
I did not. You know it's - it's amazing how far you've come given all your ups and downs and what you've accomplished and you're still positive, you're still energetic, you're still - you have a certain energy that just is welcoming and friendly and speaks to people and so –
Crystal:
Thank you.
Claudia:
Thank you for being real and- and sharing the ups and the downs because we all know military life is challenging no matter where you're at. Some of us are in - in very nice locations over the winter. Some of us are not.
But I just - I just appreciate the honesty because that really is the point of the podcast, families sharing their stories and you know, just being very real and saying there are good times and there are bad times and - or more challenging times. So yeah, I really appreciate that. And I really appreciate you taking the time to do this podcast with us.
Julie:
And I just want to say that if we've learned anything as military spouses when your spouse is deployed, Christmas doesn't have to be on the 25th of December you move it when it is.
Crystal:
Yup:
Julie:
Your 40th birthday can be now. Girl, plan your party.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your story. And thank you for being so real because I think that it's one thing to sort of just have people talk about this is what you should be doing. You know, this is all the things that - but you don't always get to the solutions as quickly and I think it's just as important to talk about when it doesn't go right and you know, that's where you that's where the bounciness comes from, right? Like, you know, the fact that it doesn't always go right.
Crystal:
Thank you for having me.
Julie:
Thank you for coming. If you have a story that you'd like to share about how you went along the path and how it worked for you, we would love to hear it. Send us an email message and we would love to have you as a guest on Military Family Life. We will talk to you next month.
Claudia:
Until next time!
Claudia [Outro]:
And that's it for this episode of Military Family Life from one military family member to another. If you have any advice that you would like to share, let us know we would love to hear from you. We may even share your experiences on future episodes. If you have family and friends who want to learn more about living their best military family life, don't hesitate to let them know about our podcast. Thanks for listening. Join us again next time for more Military Family Life.