Our Conversation with Sandra Pinard

In this episode we talk about all things deployment with our guest Sandra Pinard. 

Topics include: what are the things families can do to prepare for a deployment, some suggestions for items to include in a morale mail package and tips for re-integration.

We also have an interesting discussion about the differences between Army and Navy deployments.

 About our guest:

Sandra Pinard has been associated with the Military for her entire life so the answer to the question “So where are you from?” is more complicated.

Sandra was Born in Halifax NS, and has lived in Shearwater NS, Lawrencetown NS, Jacksonville Florida USA, and Victoria BC -- all before graduating from High School. 

During university at UVIC she met her husband who is a member of the Canadian Navy and who has kept their home solidly on the west coast. 

Sandra has had a number of roles under the heading of military family.  

Her father, brother and spouse are all currently serving or retired CAF members.  And she herself served 23 years in the Air Force Reserves. 

Sandra has worked with Military family services for about 2 years and is currently the Virtual MFRC Program Manager.  Before that that, she spent 17 years at the Esquimalt MFRC as the Deployment Coordinator. 

Living the military lifestyle and supporting others in our military community Sandra truly understands how important networking, making and maintaining community connections and volunteering can be.  She is always happy to “talk shop”, lend an empathetic ear, and offer tips and support to anyone navigating the obstacles of military family life.

Contact us:
We would love to hear from you.  If you are a Military Family Member that wants to share your experiences and lessons learned, email us at Podcast.Feedback@PetawawaMFRC.com 

Transcript

Julie [Intro]: 

Welcome to Military Family Life, the podcast for Canadian military family members, by military family members. Do you ever wish you had a guidebook or mentor to help you with some of the challenges you're facing as part of a military family? Each episode we're going to bring you the stories of people who have been there, they're going to share the lessons that they've learned along the way to help you live your best military family life. 

Julie [00:00:28]: 

Hi and welcome to military family life. My name is Julie Hollinger. Today, we going to talk about all things deployment. When you talk to people outside the military and you asked them, what do you think about when you think of the challenges that military families face? Most of them are going to talk about deployment. For them, that's something they see on TV, but they see deployment very differently than actual military family members do. 

You our guest today is a military family member who I would consider to be a specialist on deployment. Sandra Pinard has been associated with the military for her entire life and when we asked her the question, so where are you from? It was a bit more complicated than most people.  

Sandra was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia. She lived in Shearwater, Nova Scotia, Lawrencetown, Nova Scotia, Jacksonville, Florida and Victoria, BC, all before she graduated from high school. When she was in university at UVIC, she met her husband, who was a member of the Canadian Navy, and that's kept her home on, solidly, on the west coast since then. 

Sandra’s had a number of roles under the heading of military family. Her father, her brother, her spouse are all currently serving, or retired, Canadian Armed Forces members. And she herself, served in the Air Force reserves for over 23 years. 

Sandra has worked at Military Family Services for about two years, and she's currently the virtual MFRC program manager. Before that, she was at the MFRC in Esquimalt for about 17 years, working as the deployment coordinator. She has talked to so many families facing challenges. She's walked them through. She's seen the good and the bad and she's here to share her ideas with us. 

Living a military lifestyle and supporting others in the community is something that she truly understands. She's always happy to talk shop, lend a sympathetic ear, offer tips, and support anyone who might be navigating this challenge. 

In this conversation, we talked to Sandra about her time dealing with the Navy. We talk about how Navy deployments are different than the Army deployments that Claudia and I are used to. And we also talk about some of the suggestions and concrete tips, like what to put in a morale mail package, or what are the things that you should think about before your spouse deploys to make your life easier after. We hope you enjoy the conversation that Claudia and I had with Sandra Pinard. 

Julie [00:02:29]: 

Hey, Sandra, thank you so much for joining us. We have already read your, your official bio in the introduction, but since that is very much an official, office-y kind of pieces, office-y kind of statement, I want you just introduce yourself in your own words, talk to us about who you are and what's your connection to the military. 

Sandra [00:02:45]: 

Sure. Thanks for having me. Julie and Claudia. My name is Sandra Pinard. I'm coming to you from the beautiful west coast of Canada; Victoria's where I reside. I am fully connected with the military community. I'm a military child myself. My dad's in the military or retired now. My brother. I'm a military spouse. My husband has been in for over 20-something years, 25 years I think he's at now, 27. 

Julie: 

We never use exact numbers. It did, it, it tends to date you. 

Claudia: 

It's amazing how many times we, we felt really old when we're talking some, to some of our podcast guests. 

Julie: 

Bless their hearts. 

Sandra: 

Military lifestyle has been my life for my entire existence. I'm also a retired member myself, and more recently I've worked at the Military Funding Resource Centre in Esquimalt for quite a few years as a deployment coordinator there, and I currently work at Military Family Services out of Ottawa. I've been there for several years as well, so through and through military is my life for sure. 

Julie [00:03:46]: 

One of the reasons I was really excited to have you join us as a guest is, I first started working with you really for more of a deployment perspective, and you put together a fabulous resource to help people get ready for deployment. 

It had all of the checklists, all of the things. So, in my mind, even though it was in the book, you quite literally wrote the book on preparing for a deployment. And I know that you worked in that role for so long, so you have a lot of really good stories and good advice.  

When you take a think about what deployments are now and how deployments are working for families now, how is that dynamic changing for families versus, let's say when you were deploying, or when your father was deploying? 

Sandra: 

Yeah. I mean, I think the, certainly the biggest thing that comes to mind is technology and connectivity. You know, ships have Wi-Fi now, when, when troops, land troops go overseas and they're on the ground, they have, you know, in some locations, trailers where they have computers and people can actually do FaceTime chats and things, and so the technologies really changed from paper letters and, and, you know, parcels, to instant connection for good and bad that has its pluses and minuses. I think the cautious side I always say to folks is, that if you're used to always texting and messaging with your military member, even when they deploy, that if that continues to happen, eventually it won't happen.  

The members get busy, connectivity goes down, things happen, and that can cause added stress. Where back in the day, it was a bonus to get a phone call partway through a deployment, or, you know, those types of things that it usually wasn't until they were on sort of a vacation portion of their trip, or a break. So, I think technology has really increased it for the, for the good and bad. I think it depends and, and certainly from a family support perspective, including. COVID.  

Things have gone virtual, right? MFRC's, Military Family Resource Centres, are now able to reach out via social media, they can do virtual programming, so it enhances what family support programming can look like. Also, the cautious folks, not to just do virtual only because you can get a little isolated in that, or a false sense of connection. We all know Facebook, and people might feel like I have lots of friends, I have 150 people on my friends list, but do you, do you really connect with these people? 

Julie [00:06:00]: 

Do you want to connect with these people? 

Sandra: 

Right? You know, and who are your emergency? Like, truly, if you needed to call somebody, how many on that 150 Facebook friends list would surely be able to drop and come to you. So, they, social, so yeah, the Internet, and, and our connectivity virtually has changed what deployment feels like I think for, a lot of folks. 

Claudia: 

Julie, do you remember, do you remember back in the day, where, oh, I don't know about you, but I know for us we would set a time that Sunday night, would promise to be home around 6:00 at night, so when my husband was, you know, out and Wainwright on exercise, he would try and stand in that line up at the phone booth to call home so the kids could, could chat with them, so yeah. 

Julie: 

My first deployment happened, as a military spouse, we’d been married four months, and it was 7 in the morning on Sundays, I would get the satellite call with the delay, and I got a, like an, a special call on my birthday and I remember being so excited to get that extra call, that he had managed to sort of swing it, he'd call me in the morning on my birthday and looking back now, I sort of think, wow, that was just such a, a crazy experience and there was, and there back then there was no way to find them. You know what I mean? Like, I guess. 

Sandra [00:07:15]: 
No. 

Julie: 

And, if there was, there might have been that I didn't know about, but I mean, like it, now it seems to be, you know, you could you see on the spouse groups, you know, “I can't find my spouse,’ especially in Wainwright. You know, he's in this unit, so, like, “Oh, my, my husband's there,” and they kind of make it happen. I, there was no way if something, something important always seemed to happen the day after he called, and I was trying to like for, like, six days to, sort of, keep it to myself because writing it down in a letter didn’t work. 

Claudia: 

And, I think that's one of the reasons why we've, we've come a long way in how support is provided to families, and you know how spouses really, or family members, have that extended network of care, right? Because the, you do have social media, you do have virtual opportunities and, and even things like IR postings, you know, because there there's a little bit more understanding of some of the challenges that families are facing when it comes to a move between provinces, or even if you're in the same province, moving six hours down the road can sometimes be as challenging as it is moving 3 provinces over, so... 

Sandra [00:08:24]: 

Sometimes even more so. Sometimes, thinking of moving six hours, it can be more challenging. People think, “Oh, you should, you know, they didn't, they don't need much, they just moved down the road,” versus if they move across the country, then everybody throws like a million resources at you, right? 

Claudia: 

They pack to your house the same way. And that's a whole different story, podcast all together. 

Sandra: 

That's right, relocation would be a whole other topic. 

Julie: 

One of the other reasons we were really excited to talk to you, and we've had one other Navy guest, and Claudia and I totally geeked out with Navy specific questions, so, we're going to try to be on our very best behavior for this part of the conversation. 

Claudia: 

Don't lie, Julie. You're not. You're going to ask the same questions. 

Sandra: 

Feel free. 

Julie [00:09:05]: 

Not the same questions, but it'll be odd questions, I guarantee. 

You worked in Esquimalt?  

Sandra: 
Yeah.  

Julie: 
So, a lot of the deployments and the families you were supporting were Navy families. We, in Petawawa, Claudia and I are army wives, so our idea, our understanding of deployment is very different than what it would be if you are a Navy family. Can you talk to us a little bit about what a deployment is like in the Navy? 

Sandra: 

One of the first things that comes to mind when I think of, sort of, how a unit deploys, Navy versus Army or Air Force is, there's no rear party for the Navy. So, when the Navy goes, the whole ship goes, the whole thing, right? The whole office building leaves with it. So, the rear party, so to speak, becomes the Military Family Resource Centre. That really becomes your hub of where you get all your information and support.  

On the plus side, the whole unit's gone. So you're, you were mentioning how you try to find your spouse, well, you just contact someone on the ship, or you contact the MFRC, who contacts someone on the ship. Typically, it's the Padre or that, or you connect with another spouse who maybe has better timing with their partner, and they can sort of get a message to yours type of thing. But yeah, the one of the biggest differences is the whole unit goes. So, there's no rear party behind to sort of, you know, “Oh, someone’s fence fell down,” or someone might need some support doing something where maybe you would typically call on the unit, the extra people in the unit to help; the whole unit's gone. The nice thing with that is, the whole unit's gone. So, if you say you're with HMCS whatever, there's a whole bunch of other people, hundreds of other people, who are also with HMCS whatever. So, it's quickly, you're able to identify yourself as a Navy spouse, a Navy family. And there's a whole bunch of people, literally in the same boat. Like, we typically use that term like, “Hey, we're all in the same boat,” and then you could use that with the Navy. 

Claudia [00:10:50]: 

I have a question. When we were talking about the Navy before, Laura had talked a lot about, or had talked a bit about, you know, when you're on the ship, you're on the ship, but the ship isn't always deployed. Like you could be, have to stay on the ship and even be in port. So, what does that feel like? Do you think like, from a military spouse’s perspective, knowing that, you know, your partner can't come home, but they're not really that far. 

Julie: 

I can see them from my house. 

Sandra: 

That's right. Yeah. And that typically will only, if they're in port, like at their home, so either. Halifax or Esquimalt, they're usually able to go home if they, unless they're duty, right? But, they could also be 5 kilometres offshore. They could literally be out in Esquimalt harbour, or just outside of Halifax harbour; you can see them, but they can't come home because they're doing all of their exercises, all of their training. So, that can be a bit difficult when you literally can text them, and they're like right there. Doesn't mean they answer you, because of course, they're on a big metal box.  

But that can be tricky sometimes for, particularly for, non-Navy families to get into them when they move out, some of those purple trades, like medical or Padre or logistics, they come out to one of the bases and get put on a ship, it's a reality check for them as to what life is really like. Other things that, you know, you don't think about like when they're on ship, you know, they get morning coffee, and they get lunch provided, and they get soup, and tea, and all the things that when they're on a shore office, those things don't necessarily happen.  

So, you know, the support they get when they're on board the ship is fabulous from their coworkers, they do create their own little nuclear family. The Air Force pops in and out depending on if they're attached or not. With the 443, in, in our case, and the West Coast, and it was with the Cyclones now, so they sometimes feel a bit different than the Navy personnel that are on board because they’re Air Force coming in. But it's, yeah, it's, it's interesting to have your member on a, on a ship versus land. My husband currently is on a shore posting, so, you know, I can email him, and he'll email right back. And he's at a desk job, so, you know, he can, you know, answer that. And he's typically, his life is very scheduled. He goes in at the same time, he comes home at the same time when you're on a ship, you know. If they're going out for two weeks, they're scheduled to come home Friday, they might come home Thursday.  

Julie [00:13:19]: 

They're not coming home on Friday. 

Sandra: 

Right? Coming home a day early sometimes isn't always the best if you're not prepared, or they might come home on Sunday because they've failed, or need extra time doing something, and then they're extended. So, you really have to be flexible with your home life. You know, having shared calendars of events that children are doing, all those sorts of things are great, because then the military work can kind of catch up with what's going on. But you really are, even when they're not deployed, but they're doing training or workups, they call them. They're in and out, in and out, in and out. Just sort of have to, those are the days that aren't added on to a deployment when a typically when. My husband would go for six months for a deployment, he also was gone for about 3 months prior to that. In and out, in and out, in and out. So, those days don't seem to get added in, so you forget a bit that it's, you know, to go for six months, it's really about a nine-month duration, right? 

Claudia: 

We see the same thing on the army side of the house as well because there's all that, the pre-training and all the pre-exercise, and making sure everything is, you know, everybody understands what they're doing. So, we feel the, we see the same thing for the army families. So, as a, as a Navy family, have you been posted to an Army base, or to an Air Force Base? 

Sandra [00:14:32]: 

As a Navy family, I have, well, I have been to Cold Lake. So, I certainly spent 5 summers in Cold Lake, not with my husband, but with the Air Force myself. I also did an OUTCAN down to Florida, which was the Air Force/Army, or Air Force/Navy posting. My husband is a hard sea trade, so the odds of us going to an Army base are very low. More likely that his posting journey might take him to Ottawa or to an OUTCAN position. Fingers crossed, if I could send words out there, but yeah. 

Julie: 

If there were a way to send words out there to get an OUTCAN posting, I'm telling you we would have all used… if Claudia and I knew that secret, we would have like, used that by now. 

Claudia: 

I well, technically I, I already spent time in Germany, so... 

Sandra: 

Yeah. So no, by the odds of my husband getting to an Army base are very low, so... I physically have been to Army bases, certainly as part of my career path and, and things like that. And life is my, and I've worked with various Army and Air Force spouses, but it's much different. Navy life is much different. I have high, high, I have high respect for all military members and families. My husband's first deployment was right after September 11th and much different, the feeling of him going out on a ship versus friends. and loved ones who, who were boots on the ground, right? Two totally different deployments, and those are, I see those much differently in my own heart and spirit for sure.  

Julie: 

Now, can you send morale mail to the ship? That's, I'm sorry. That's a weird question, but, I mean, can you send morale mail in the middle of a, a ship deployment?  

Sandra [00:16:05]: 

You sure can. Absolutely. And that's one of the... When I worked at a brick-and-mortar MFRC, that was one of my favorite times, was mail, because families would come in, and they would all be excited about the parcels they would bring. Amazing what people put in their parcels. If you're listening to this and you're preparing for deployment, or in a deployment, check with your member about what they want but surprises are always good. But yes, morale mail can go. The difference between morale mail for the ships as it goes right from the base. So, it goes from Halifax or Victoria, so it can come from anywhere in Canada, but it goes to those two bases and then gets shipped out. Shipped out. That's funny.  

Where everybody else's deployments all go to Belleville, of course, so it takes four to six weeks to get a parcel from dropping it off, to the actual ship, so the delay is really long there. Which I, it's similar for land as well. Yeah, they love getting mail on the ship, but I used to love seeing the pictures of the tri-walls of mail coming up from the dock and having, you know, colourful paper and the I love you, dad or mom or honey, and, and all of the, the stickers, and all that stuff. But morale mail is a huge boost on the ship, so I'm sure it is with every unit, but one of my most favorite things to participate in for sure. 

Claudia: 

When we, just being at the MFRC here, where we're in high readiness, and there's such a huge uptake in the morale mail going out, and you can walk into any entranceway where the parcels can get dropped off, and you could look and see how creative some of the, not even just kids, right? Some of the packages are just kind of wrapped with love. And, and it's just amazing to see it at Christmas time. It's even colourful paper. It's not just the, yeah, the brown paper, right? Like, it really makes some heartwarming moments when you look at, yeah, the bulk of morale mail that goes out. 

Sandra [00:17:55]: 

And my husband, we do not have children. My husband was one of those, “Don't send me anything.” I sent him a parcel every mail date, of every deployment, and every time he loved getting them on the ships. He loved that I sent enough to share with some of the other members that maybe didn't get mail.  

I'm going to be a terrible Navy spouse for a minute, up on the bridge, somewhere, up on the bridge in the middle is this navigational tool, it's a circle; it's like a compass, but bigger. My husband's going to kill me not knowing the name, but it's the exact, it's the same size as the bulk candy you get, bowls, that you get at Costco. So, I would send him one of those, and he put it up on the bridge because it, it's also, it stays flat, whatever the sea’s doing, it stayed, it moved with the ship. So, he would just put a big thing of, like, candies, or M&M's, or whatever sour things I did, and people could just walk by. It was a good morale booster, right?  

You know, people love getting morale mail, even if they think, even if they say to you, they don't; send them something they love getting it. And it's so much fun to see the pictures of military members getting them, and on the ships, and even on land, of course, deployments as well, but it's a boost from home. It really is. It's, it's that moment that they can really... And morale mail has changed over the years. Of course, before it was, we would send lots of pictures and USB drives, and all this, but now you can just e-mail stuff, right? So, it's, it's, it's a different... 

Julie [00:19:15]: 

I have sent VHS tapes of my daughters taking their first steps, like… 

Sandra: 

Yeah. 

Julie: 

And hoping to God he'd be able to find a VCR. I don't know what I was thinking, but… 

Sandra: 

Right. 

Julie: 

Let, so as somebody who I would consider to be a deployment expert, or a deployment support expert...  

Sandra: 

Oh, thank you.  

Julie: 

My time as a military spouse was before Pinterest, thank goodness, but some of, if you look at some of those Pinterest pictures, and some of those morale packages, people are doing amazing jobs. Even if you're not, “fancy with your packages.” What are ideas for people who, their partner is gone, they have no idea what they're going send their spouse... what are some things that you would recommend that people could put in a box that would make someone's day when they open it up? 

Sandra [00:19:56]: 

Things that I always recommend, things that we may not think of, like magazines, like physical magazines, that they can read and then pass on to their peers. You know, again, my husband, he, he doesn't read the National Enquirer or a Hello magazine. I sent all of those and they because they're quick reads. Right? You could read one or two pages and then they would all end up sort of in the combined mess and they would share. The Readers Digest actually fit in the pant leg, the pockets of your combat pants, so Reader's Digest was one of the things. Trail mix was very popular. Individually wrapped candies. Not even, I mean pre-COVID even. But it was again, so it was easier to share. Pictures, physical pictures are still popular, that they could stick up or put in their pocket, or carry around because they're, they're typically not going to have their phones on them when they're, you know at work. And most of the time on ships they have to put them away somewhere and probably the same with land, they're not walking around with them on the, out there when they're doing a patrol. So, physical pictures are good, candy is always popular. Be careful with chocolate, only because it might sit out in the sun for a while, so I always told folks just to.. I always… I still sent chocolate, I just put it in Ziploc bags.  

Things that would, their peers might be appreciative of, their bunkmates, Bounce sheets are popular to put inside boots, you know, make things smell a little bit better. We used to make potpourri satchels that were the size, that you could tuck into a boot. So, just to make things smell a little bit better, you know, because things get smelly. Baby powder was really popular. Things that are in travel size. They can get, you know, two on a ship. They have a canteen, so they can go and buy little odds and sods, but it's still good to have some of the stuff from home.  

Things that were also very popular with their local newspapers, or their local like in, for out here on the West Coast, where I'm sure most communities you have like a little free newspaper, you have your normal big serious one, and then you have your local community paper. I would send those out for our base, I would send out the base newspaper. Yes, they're going to get it. It's going to be months old, but it's still kind of, you know, they could read it and. You know, catch up on. What's going on? Crossword puzzle, sudokus, USB drives full of downloaded videos, legal downloaded videos, music. If you have children. Certainly, pictures and videos of children and things like that, but it was any piece of home, right?  

Like we used to do things where the there'd be like a, a big bear and a little bear. I have some. In my office here, and the little bear would go to see, and the big bear would stay home and then you would take pictures of the bears out in the world, right? Ohh, I'm in, you know, Japan, and here's a picture of me with the little bear on the, wherever it may be, and then the, the family at home can see the connection between the two.  

But care parcels, my other advice for care parcels, what I used to do is I would keep a shoe box on my counter so when I went grocery shopping, I would pick up a couple little things each time, so you're not suddenly buying $200.00 worth of stuff to put in the care parcel. Some people buy a lot, like you can spend crazy amounts of money sending love, right? And that could be a bit cost inhibitive for family. So, what I would encourage is put a box on your counter so that you could drop little notes, cards, as you're thinking of them, and then when your date comes package it all up and then you're not in a big panic, right? I would see people come flying into the, the centre like, you know the day of the cut off and they're all concerned about getting it all sorted out. So, if you can just drop a few little things in, and also, get their family and friends to do it, don't just have you as the only person, you know, that's when you can get your in-laws involved in-laws and aunts, uncles, extended family. They can also send little, little things to the military members. And again, it's just they appreciate anything that is sent to them, truly. 

Claudia [00:23:46]: 

One of the highlights that I'll always remember, and that, I had an opportunity to actually be on a ship. So, we had had a, I think it was an executive directors conference out in Esquimalt, yeah. And one of the activities that we did in the evening was we got to tour one of the ships and we got to walk around. And me personally, I, I thought, going down below, they, they showed us one of the bunk areas. It was like very claustrophobic for me. I just can't even imagine living in that tiny, compressed space for months on end, but it was definitely a phenomenal chance to be on the ship, see how they live and, and the life is very, very different to kind of like what I know from my husband who, you know being army out in the field and, and that kind of stuff. So yeah, I can imagine they don't take a lot with them because there's nowhere to put it. 

Sandra: 

No, you basically get a locker and two drawers is the average space that people get. There's places to tuck things all over the ship like people do bring bicycles. 

Claudia: 

Oh really? 

Sandra [00:24:55]:  

And sometimes, I was always amazed at what was coming on, but you had to prearrange those, of course. But yeah, I mean you basically, if you lie in your bed, that's your private space. And the bed is single with a curtain, little, tiny curtain and… 

Claudia: 
And it's tiny.  

Sandra: 
It’s tiny. And most of them live in, you know, there are messes that are, you know, 15 to 30 people in them. The officers live a bit differently. They're usually, there's one that's six or eight people, then the rest are usually two or three, or one, depending on their position. But yeah, for the yeah, there's no real privacy. They all eat in big groups and, and all that. So, you know, your shower sometimes, or walk around the deck, or your, I mean they, their workout equipment, there's no real gym anywhere. They've got the, the treadmill right might be right beside MIR, or the stationary bike might be right beside the, the canteen door like it's, it's really interesting when you go on a ship.  

I mean, if you ever get the chance, I would encourage folks to go to one of the If you're on one of the coasts, or even they happen sometimes with, on the Great Lakes and things where they'll have ships come down and you could take tours of the small or big ones, cause the life is different, right? I would say the same for army. When I saw pictures of people living in tents, in bunks and there's no privacy either. I was like, “Wow, how do they do that?” And so, it's, it's all what you, it's amazing what you get used to. 

But it is a bit of a reality for when military members first go on, and that's why I really encourage family members. If you can, to go down to the ship, or go down to the unit, in the Navy case that was, you know, if you can get down, you can just see what life is like so you can understand the majority of military members don't work on a computer. They don't have, you know, they're not at a fingertip notice to connectivity to you. And yeah, life on a ship is different and then even more so on a submarine, we thought the ships were claustrophobic. If you get a chance to go on a submarine, which I've had a chance to do, it's, it's, yeah, change… it's different. 

Julie [00:26:50]: 
I'm claustrophobic. You could not pay me enough money to go on a submarine, like you just could not pay me enough money. 

Claudia: 
I, I couldn't even, I like, when I was on the ship doing the tour, even just going from the different levels of the ship. Like how you have to go up and down the ladders or the steps or whatever. And then, one of the one of the guys that took us on the tour, you know, someone had asked a question about a submarine. He goes “Well, if you can imagine how tiny this is, like, it's half of that almost.” 

Julie: 
And I don't think they get their own beds on a submarine. Don't they hot bunk in a submarine? So, you're like you might, somebody else might be using your bed when you're not in it.  

Sandra [00:27:32]: 
I'm not sure if they're still hot bunking on submarines, but I do know it's, there's no extra space and it's tight and, and yeah, I was on a submarine. I got the tour when it was actually most of the stuff was off the submarine. They were doing a refit and it felt small and they were like “Now imagine when all the tables and chairs and things all come back.” And I was like, “Oh dear, like it's…” And then go underwater. Right? You can't. You know, if you're submerged, totally different life on a submarine. Totally different. 

Julie: 

I’m like having a panic attack. Great advice about morale mail packages. In Petawawa, we are in a high readiness season, and I know people are listening from across Canada and they have other bases and stuff, but in a lot of cases, spouses are in position where they know deployments coming, and it's on the calendar, and it seems like it's on the calendar like two months from now and then like you blink and it’s in a week from now. What's your advice to people in that “getting ready” portion? Like what are some things that you can do in that “getting ready” portion that's going to make your life better once they leave? 

Sandra [00:28:34]:  

First, I would say be kind to yourself because the time is going to fly even though you have that, you know, mark on the calendar. And your moods are going to change, right? Depending on how you're feeling, and the military members, sometimes they will be already in work mode; they're focused on what they need to do to get ready to leave. You're focused on what you need to do to be ready for when they leave. Two different mindsets.  

My other piece of advice would be to connect with your Military Family Resource Centre. Go in. Introduce yourself. Tell them who you are. Tell them that you're going to experience a deployment. Or that you are if you're, if you're listening to this and you're already in a deployment. Or if you just live near an MFRC. Doesn't have to be deployed related. Go meet your MFRC that's certainly in person. Great if you find them on social media, find the Facebook pages, find the websites, all the stuff that you do online. But go in and physically meet your MFRC, that is going to be your number one call most of the time when you need something, or you're concerned about something.  

Also, MFRC's and MFS locations, they are filled with people who understand your life, so that's where you can show up with your military, your family hat on, and you're going to be greeted with people who either are walking the same path you are walking (lots of military family members work at MFRC's), but also the staff are experts in military life, so they're going to get it so that that would be, that's the advice they give to anybody when they move is also to walk into their MFRC, and now that COVID is over, physically walk in and introduce yourself. Find your stuff that you can access on the base. Do you have a Canex? Do you have a base gym that you're allowed to access? Is their base movie theatre? Some bases have more amenities than others, depending on their locations, so figure out what you are able to access as a family member. Do you need a special ID card to do that? Does the member have to sign for that card? What does the member have to sort of do before they deploy to allow you, you know, to take advantage of all the things that you can? So, certainly, my number, that would be my number one advice to everybody is always go find your local MFRC or MFS location and then, you know, pick up as much of the resources as you can. At most MFRC's will have pre-deployment checklists and pre-deployment guides, and they might run pre-deployment briefings, or pre-deployment workshops, or coffee groups, or whatever it is. Just, I know it is so difficult to walk into a place where you feel like you don't know anybody, and you're a stranger. You are walking into your extended family, though, and MFRC gets it. 

I, you know, I know through my work, how challenging it was to have, for someone to walk in the first time to a coffee night, bingo, whatever it was, whatever the activities were. But you're walking in and side by side, you're going with other military family members. We say the same for children. Get your children into, if it's available, occasional care, or some type of drop in tot group, or some type of after school, or whatever they have for kids, because most of our military children do not go to “military schools,” they live out in the general population. We don't necessarily have those, like they did in the old days when I was a kid; I went to 100% military school. Everybody in there was a military kid. Those don't really exist anymore. So, your child may be going, may be in a school where nobody knows that they're actually military, or nobody understands that they have a parent who's military or going away, or on training or....  

So, it's great for military kids to meet other military kids, same as is for adults to meet other adults, and that could be parents of military children, or sorry, parents of military members as well as your, the caregivers of, of kids, and spouses, common law partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever your relationship status looks like, but, you meet others in this life, and the dream is that you meet them before they deploy. You know, so, but even if you're listening to this after the fact and your military is now deployed, you're not too late. Go into your centre, see what's happening, identify yourself as a military spouse, because, MFRC’s don't necessarily get a list of everybody who's deployed, and they certainly don't get a list of all the family members dealing with deployment. So, if I can leave one message, you know to anybody is, to go into your centre and identify yourself as a military family member. You will be well rewarded for that. You know, just in connectivity.  

Claudia [00:32:57]: 
And I think if you're not, you know, if you're new to the area, and you're not comfortable walking into the MFRC, then absolutely sign up for the newsletter, because I think there is the majority of MFRC's have a, a monthly newsletter, a quarterly newsletter that goes out, and that will also give you really good ideas and suggestions of what's coming up. So... 

Sandra: 
Yeah, yeah. I would sign up for everything. Sign up. Go on the website. If they have a subscribe button, subscribe, join their Facebook pages, join the newsletters, like, or whatever you have to do on Facebook to see the news, get it in your news feeds, you know, all those sorts of things so that you get that connectivity going. Lots of them at first seem have really innovative programming now that help people to integrate into their community. This is being recorded in July that you could be listening anytime, but July is posting season also, too. So, folks are moving around. So, if you're new or you're becoming new to a new location, Claudia is absolutely right. Like just check what's on social media. Lots of MFRC's are on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram now. So, check all three. 

Claudia: 
And YouTube.  

Sandra: 
Oh, YouTube, huge.  

Claudia [00:33:58]:  

And YouTube, there's a lot of channels, yeah. 

Sandra: 
Yes, YouTube is great.  

Sandra: 

Right. And, and knowing what you have access to is powerful, knowing that your 24-hour phone number, your emergency phone number, can be your MFRC, not that they can solve every problem 24/7, but it's a good place to start, and so you know, those phone numbers, know those websites get a point of contact at your local centre. The other one is the family information line. That's a 24-hour service that, for most MFRC's, that's who covers their phone lines when they're closed. But also, there's counselors there and, and they're also good points of contact for if you're struggling, or just need some information, or lifestyle challenges, all the pieces that may be the. But yeah, it's, I used to always…. My heart, my heart goes out to all military families because I am one. But it my heart really went out to those that I would meet on homecoming day, and they would come up and go, “Oh, Military Family Resource Centre. Oh, you know, so-and-so’s spouses’ group. Oh, if I only knew you existed.” I'm like, “Where have you been for six months? Like, how do you not know we're here?”  

But yeah, really kind, kind of, you know, a lot of the communication about this stuff goes through to the military members. Because if the MFRC doesn't know who you are, they don't know who you are, right? They don't have a magic list and so, if the military member is not passing on the information, shame on your military member, but if they're not passing it on, maybe they just think you don't need it. Maybe they think, “Oh, my family's done 20 deployments. They don't need any more information.” Or “Oh, it's just my mom and dad. Like my parents are good. They live in a whole other province like they're fine.” They're not fine. Everybody should know the phone number of their local MFRC. Everyone should know the phone number of family information line. Everyone should know the website of their local MFRC, and CFMWS, so that they know at least a starting point, right? It's really about who's going to be concerned if you're deployed and something hits the news, yeah, and they can't get a hold of you. So, who, who's going to be worried about that? Is it your neighbor? Is it your friend? Is it your parents? Is it your spouse, kids, whoever it may? Give all of them the phone numbers and websites and Facebook pages. They should have access to. If that's all you do as a military member before you deploy, great. At least you've got them started on the right foot. 

Julie [00:36:14]:  

I love the point you make about MFRC's having people who are, who have lived the life because, I mean, I have a lot of really good friends who are not military spouses who I can call with problems, but they don't really get what a deployment is. They don't have the same kind of advice. And I remember moving to Petawawa and getting to know a lot more military spouses and someone recommending that I put together a sick kit. Like what? And like it's one box where you have Gravol, and soda crackers, and Benadryl, and all of, and like, and Dristan. So, if you get sick because, ten bucks says if I go in my medicine cabinet, like everything is expired. So, like it's something that like you have, like, recent Gravol you have like, all of the things that you need when you're sick, but you can't get there cause you're by yourself. And I'm like, that is brilliant. 

Claudia [00:36:46]:  

Right. And you know, dollars to donuts about, you know, five to seven days after someone deploys, you're going to get sick.  

Sandra: 
Yeah.  

Claudia: 
And then your kids are going to get sick or vice versa. 

Sandra: 

Yeah, five to seven? Usually, it's the day after. 

Claudia: 

I was being generous. 

Julie: 

My kids were 12 before my husband ever saw them vomit because they only ever got sick when he was gone. 

Sandra: 

Right, yeah. 

Julie: 
Every time. 

Sandra [00:37:18]:  

And your civilian friends are lovely. My civilian friends are lovely. I actually could admit I have very few true civilian friends. Most of my friends are military family members, because they get it, and we walk the same walk. 

One of my favorite stories of when my husband was deployed, and I had a Magic Bullet, and I couldn't get the lid off of it, and it was easily 9:00 at night. And that was just, that was my breaking point. I had to make. My smoothie I couldn't get the lid off this thing. I called my friend, who, a military couple, who we sort of, you know, support each other through deployments. Her husband happened to be home. I said, “Is your husband home?” She's like, “Yep.” I hang up the phone and drove over to her house about 10 minutes away. She had no idea what was coming through her front door, but she was ready, and it happened that her parents were actually visiting, and so and her parents were not military. I come in the door. This crazy lady at 9:00 at night with my Bullet, Magic Bullet and said, “Can you get the lid off?” She passed it to her dad and said, “Don't ask any questions. Just get this off.” And so he went in the kitchen, got it off and gave it back to me. I said, “Thank you.”, and I left.  

That sparked a conversation with her parents, for her, around military life, and they suddenly were like, “Is this what it could be like when your husband is away?” Like they didn't understand what it was like to single parent. They didn't understand what it was like to have something as silly as that, or your washing machine, or your, you need to get to the grocery store, but it's already closed and you, your, your person that you would normally have sent is deployed. Something is your little breaking point. It's usually not a great big disaster that causes your breaking point, it's a little thing and that really brought some realization to them about what their daughter experiences as a military spouse with children and, and how our community works together.  

My civilian friends probably would have helped as well, but I wouldn't have thought to call them because they would have thought I was crazy. My military girlfriends like, “Yep, come on over. I don't even know what you need. I'm here.” Like, it's just, that's what the military community is like and, and we didn't know each other prior to deployment. We met each other because of being military family members living in Victoria, having husbands on the same ship. So, it, it's those types of relationships that you can form, and they do get it. And lots of military family members work at MFRC's and also, like I said, people at MFRC, who are not military community members, but they've worked it long enough that they understand the life they'll get when you come in and you're like, “I just can't get such and such to work,” or, you know, “I tried to fill out my form and it's not. I'm getting an error message and, and I'm done.” Right? And that might be there like, “I just need a moment,” type of thing and you walk into a civilian office, they might not understand that. You walk into a MFRC, and they're like, “Yeah, I got you. Let me take your kids for a second. Let me get you a cup of tea. We're just going to breathe for a minute, and then we're going to sort this out.” 

Julie [00:40:03]:  

Now, you may not get this in Esquimalt, but in Petawawa there are moments when there is an unexpected snowstorm, and if you've never used that, that, that, that snow blower. And first sitting there, cursing. It is really helpful to have a neighbour that can either understand how to do that pull cord, or bless their hearts are just going to do it for you.  

Sandra: 

Yes, and those are some of the things, yes. If it snows in Victoria, we're in, we're in crisis here. For sure. The whole place shuts down if it snows a couple inches in Victoria. But some of the things I used, you know, I was very grateful for would be my husband would subscribe to a lawn mowing service when he would deploy. I have friends whose husbands and wives would subscribe to driveways being plowed while they were deployed, and it seems like a bit of a luxury, but on the other side, like, isn't it great if you wake up at 6:00 in the morning and your driveway is done? Or you come home from work and your lawn is mowed? Or even if you're not working, you're dealing with the other things in your life.  

Those are the little gifts that military members can leave behind, right? Unscheduled flower delivery, unscheduled, you know, meals that are just show up magically, or they might organize with another friend of theirs to bring over something. You know? It's those things members can't do, what they can do from a distance, but it's easier for members if they organize themselves before, they leave. And it just is that piece of, “Someone's thinking about you, somebody cares. I'm trying to make your life easier, even though I'm not there.” Other ones we would see would be people would prepay for babysitting services at either an MFRC, or a “Kids and Company,” or whatever their local daycare childcare provider is, or their neighbor who has somebody who wants to babysit.  

Little pieces that will just make your life easier, right? And it's OK to ask for help, like you don't have to be super person during a deployment. You know, you didn't necessarily sign up to be single parenting. You didn't necessarily sign up to be in a relationship with the person who's gone half the time. That old saying of like, “Oh, you know what you were getting into.” No, you didn't. I was a military kid, and I knew what it was like to have my dad away. The first time I stood there and watched my husband sail away was pretty shattering for me and I was like, right, I am really on my own. I'm responsible for everything.  

And military families are very resilient. They're, you know, they can usually sort out almost any sort of life challenge or figure out where to go to sort it out. But it's still, you know, life’s a bit easier when you when you're in a partnership, if that's what you're in, then you, you signed up to be in a partnership. And suddenly the, your person is not at, you know, the end of a phone line, or the end of a text or cell. And you know, it's, it is a bit of a reality check, and there's lots, and lots of, of course preparing for deployment checklists you can find online and lots of tips and things. Usually, the number one tip is going to be to get yourself connected with the military community. Don't do it alone. Lots of folks, you know, I am a military spouse without children, so lots of times the thought was like, “Oh, it's so much easier for you because you don't have kids.” And I thought, “Yeah, but I also don't have a soccer game or a Girl Scout, or a Boy Scout group to go to, to be my excuse to go to the house.” Right? I don't have, I can't use my children as an excuse. I have a cat, right? I can't really trapse her around town. 

Claudia [00:43:14]:  

I think that's just, just touching on that a little bit, and I think you know there's this conception that MFRC's are there for families like, you know, Mom, dad, the two kids, when in reality we have dual service couples, we have couples that have no children, we have empty nesters, and there's still stuff happening at the MFRC's that they're providing to support all types of family dynamics. So, just bear that in mind. Like when you look at the newsletter, where you look online, and you don't have to have children to participate or go to any of the events or activities. 

Julie: 

And I guess before we go, I would be remiss if I didn't ask for “What's your advice when people come home?” Because we've talked about it with a number of guests on the show, that people keep seeing those magical TikTok or YouTube videos about all the people coming home, and it's this great moment, and people cry, and then the camera turns off, and sometimes it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a tough couple of weeks readjusting to having that person back in your house again. What's your advice for families who are anticipating or going through a reintegration? And you know, how do you make that easier? 

Sandra: 

Especially for your first one, but for all, they're all different. Learn about reintegration. A Navy reintegration is a little bit different because let's say they're in the Mediterranean, and they're flying, they're going, they're in the Med and they're coming back to… 

Claudia: 

I was going to say the. Mediterranean how bad is that? 

Sandra [00:44:43]:  

I know, sounds glamorous, right? They're in the Med. On a deployment. And then they're coming back to Halifax. That ship has four to six weeks of sort of well, it's a bit shorter in Halifax, but they transit, right? They come home, so they do a, a natural decompression. Same with West Coast. They'll be wherever they are, Pacific. And then they hit Hawaii, and then they come from Hawaii to Victoria. They have a natural decompression that the ship will experience, and members can kind of come down from their deployment.  

Army and Air Force, they are like boots on the ground, then they're home. Right? So, it's a bit. So, your military members will have a different experience when they come through. Either way. Usually, military members are exhausted when they come home. That whole, you know, people harlequin romance, running down the airport taxiway, or running down the jetty, and you know, being swooped up into someone's arms and then trapsing off into some romantic experience for couples… not the reality. For most it's, you know, people are tired. The person who's been at home is tired, or they've been really anticipating homecoming. Adrenaline is going, and when you get in the car, you're like, hey, adrenaline is gone. I'm just tired.  

So, typically I say don't plan anything. Really try to avoid sort of big welcome home parties for the first couple of days, at least. If you're going to have one, talk about it as a couple. Military members, if that's what you want, communicate. Spouse, family members, if that's what you want, communicate, don't surprise. No surprises. So, for military, especially moms and dads, you know, I know, you really want to fly out to the base and surprise your son or daughter that's coming home. Don't do that, because if they're single members, they might also be already planning a plane ticket to come and surprise you. So, the two of you might be crossing in the air. So, everybody needs to communicate about homecoming, realistic expectations.  

If you have children, that's a whole other layer of how children are going to reintegrate into military members coming home. Your MFRC's are going to be a great source of information about that, but other spouses, and other family members who have been through it are good sources of information. Another good reason to meet a few people who've been there, done that. And then there's multiple people in your life, if you can set aside time for each person to be able to integrate in with that military member, that's helpful. You know lots of times the at home, like I would think, “Oh, like I want to take him out for dinner and let's go to a fancy restaurant and have dinner because I've been at home by myself cooking,” and, and there's my husband's thinking, “I've been eating like ship food for six months. All I want to do is come home and have a home cooked meal.”  

So, communicating those realistic expectations, you know, we typically will like order in, and then we both, best of both worlds trade, I'm not cooking, and you know, and he gets to stay home in, in his pajamas and have dinner and, you know that type of thing. So, it's, it's really about communication. Learning what reintegration, if there are reintegration programs at your MFRC, or through MFS, tap into those. Be gentle with yourself. If you have children, I always would say to folks, try not to break up the kid's routine. For example, like, if kids are an age where you know, if they're going to be in school, you know, and this is, these are the conversations you'll have to have as couples. Do you keep the kids in school, and you go and do the homecoming and then go pick up the kids after? Or do you pull them out to school? You know, kids do really well in their teens, so you might want to talk to whoever they're, if there's teachers or caregivers involved, letting everybody know you're expecting a homecoming.  

Letting your boss know, letting your friends and family know, letting schools, teachers know and things like that because behaviors change. You also might check out of your regular life. Like, when my husband's away, I’m at like, Thursday night music bingo, and I'm going to Tuesday night such and such, and I'm volunteering all over the place. When my husband comes home, all that kind of stops for a couple weeks. I'm like, “Hey, now I'm just going to focus on ‘Hey, remember me?’ And we're going to sort of reintegrate as a couple.” So, then I don't want my outside world to get upset that, like I said, I suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth. So, I, communication is the key for homecomings, and really being gentle with yourselves around it. It's never, you know if it is like that for you, great. But all the ones I've experienced, it's never like what you see in the movie.  

My husband works on a ship, so when he came home, he smelled like deep fried diesel, like it was just this weird ship smell.  

Julie [00:48:54]: 
Sounds very romantic.  

Sandra: 
It wasn't. Yeah, all of the things, right? And that you think well, that's, that's not what Richard Gere looked like! And you know, as “An Officer and A Gentleman,” or it's like…. So, it's really about communicating. I'm not a fan of surprises. I'm not a fan, like for anybody around homecoming. You see it in the, lots of the American videos where there'll be, the soldier comes home and, you know, scares his, you know, spouse or someone at work, or whatever. I would not be happy if my husband ever did that to me. The same with at the homecoming, who's going to be there? Is the military member expecting you? Are they expecting you and 30 of your friends? Are they expecting all of the family to be there? In-laws? Parents? All the people? Or, so, that again you want to communicate.  

Because if my husband's coming home, and he thinks I'm the only one on the jetty of our immediate family, and I suddenly show up with his parents, my parents, best friends, all this stuff, he'll be a bit overwhelmed. Also, vice versa, some members really want that big homecoming, and if that's what they want, they need to communicate it, because if I just show up with me, and they might feel like, “Oh, it's just you… just you.” So, it's, it's really learning to communicate with one another. Sometimes people find they communicate better during deployment than they do in person because you're sort of forced to write emails and have dedicated phone calls at a certain time. All those sorts of things where, like, “We don't talk this much when we're at home,” but, you know, talking about homecoming, it's always exciting.  

The best day is homecoming day. I always feel like it's, everybody's well, most people are generally pretty happy about that, and then on the side, right? If there's folks who, you know, if you have relationship challenges, those challenges didn't go away during deployment. So, you may need some extra support there. Know who to call for that, right? Know who you know are your support systems, either professionally or personally, so that you can, you can sort of have a positive reintegration, whatever that looks like for your family.  

But it's, when most people ask me about, like, what's your best advice? I'm like, just know that it's going to be usually at our house. It's a very quiet homecoming. He comes home, everything gets sort of thrown in the laundry room, and then it's, you know, a quiet couple of days where my husband, because it's shipped, you know, he has to get his seat, his land legs back. He hasn't seen some friends and family for six months, and he might want to see some of those folks or not. So, it's really, I try not to overschedule. For us personally, I try not to overschedule our lives or myself, I also usually continue to work, I don't, I take a couple of days off around when he comes home and then I go back to work because that's our routine. Couple weeks after he's home, because in my case, my husband is Navy, they usually get like a month off when they come home from deployment, so I'll usually go, I'll continue to work to keep my routine and then we'll plan a vacation. So, usually a couple, you know, a week or so, once he's home and he's, you know, caught up on his sleep and all the things he wants to catch up on then, you know, we'll typically, even if it's a “stay-cation,” right? We just go do some touristy things around. I live in Victoria. It's a beautiful city, and we go just, some experience, some stuff on neutral ground. So, it's not all stuff just in your house. You go for a walk. You go to the beach. You go to a movie. You get to know each other again. Those are the nice parts for me about homecoming, for myself personally, is you kind of date again a little bit. Right? You get to know each other. And like, “Hey, I do love you, and you know, I remember I do like hanging out with you.” And, and what it's like to do these sorts of things as a married couple in my case. 

Julie [00:52:20]:  

So, before we leave quick funny deployment story, I can go first. If you would like, if you want to think about you, your story. My husband went away for six months, and I decided it would be a really great time to dye my hair platinum blonde. My hair is naturally dark, and I knew he was going to be gone, right? So even if the looked horrible, I could fix it. I had a 5-year-old at the time who thought it'd be really cute to have a pink streak in her hair. So, I bought her that manic panic stuff and we put it in, and she said you should do one too, mommy. And hers was like big bubble gum pink, washed out in two washes. Mine turned fuchsia and did not come out no matter how much I washed it, and I was not going to admit this to my husband because he didn't need to know. My hair was going to be brown when he came back. I forgot that we were going to a unit Christmas party because they had invited us, and someone thought it would be really nice to take pictures of his daughters on Santa's lap and mom in the background and send it to him. And I got this call saying, “What did you do to your head?” “Like my head?”, he, I'm like, “I don't think anything,” it's like, “Could your hair be pink?” I'm like, “Yeah.” 

Sandra: 

I saw the pictures. 

Julie: 

It's not going to be when you get home. I was only sending pictures of the kids when I was sending pictures, thinking that you know, I'm not really changing that much, like they are. But apparently, I was, and he did not think it was as cute as, as I did. It was a bit of a disaster. But, you know, I, I had forgotten all about pictures and other people sending them. Claudia? 

Claudia: 

Yeah, I don't know. I don't how many stories and how many have I told, I'm not really sure. I'll pick, not necessarily deployment, I'll go with IR. So, we were back in Gagetown for about a year, and they wanted to post my husband to Borden. And because my son was in high school, I stayed back. And summer's not a problem, I had no issues mowing the lawn. It's the shoveling of the snow. And New Brunswick that year had a crap load amount of snow, like literally up to here. I'd have to climb up onto the snowbank, push the snow back so I had room to shovel more snow, and I remember one particularly long weekend where I was up till midnight shoveling and then you wake up in the morning and it's like the snow. drifted it all back into the driveway. Might as well not have done anything, and I remember he, he phoned at some point on the weekend, and I was complaining about the snow shoveling. And of course, he was living in a hotel where someone just knocked on the door and said you need to move your truck so we can plow the driveway. Not a happy camper. 

Sandra: 

Oh dear. 

Julie: 

He could have probably kept that to himself. 

Claudia [00:54:51]: 

That's not his style, you know that.  

Julie: 
It's not. We keep teasing that we're going to have our husbands on one of the episodes just to do rebuttals. 

Sandra: 

Totally should, that would be a great. Idea. Yeah. 

Julie: 
Sandra? 

Sandra: 
Mine, I think it's funny. I don't know if my husband would agree that it's funny, but we were a young couple. 

Julie: 

Those are the best ones. 

Sandra [00:55:10]: 

First deployment it, it, now I get sort of labeled as, I mean like my husband does not deploy with debit cards anymore, and that came about because he deployed from Victoria's, first stop was Hawaii. We were a young couple and he magically, most of the people, like 8 of them, went to stay at a hotel in Hawaii, and nobody seemed to have any money except for my husband. So, he paid for everybody's on our credit card and said, because, and he was like, you know, so and didn't really know about it. I didn't know about it and then I saw a couple days later this, you know, pops up on my Internet and I see the bill. And I'm like, what the heck? And so, I said, you know, when our weekly phone call, it typically for us. My husband never knows what time it is in Victoria because the ship keeps moving the time zone, so I would get calls till the night. So, I'm half asleep and I'm trying to have this conversation around hotels. Like don't worry, they all paid me in cash cause back then you could draw cash from the ship. And I said that's great. You have cash and you're still traveling west, I'm in Victoria with the credit card bill. And so, when he got, for them it was Guam, and then he, which did not have sort of Internet banking and that kind of stuff. So, we had to wait till he got to a larger country to actually do a wire transfer and make a payment.  

So, he learned from that, that he's one not to pay for anybody else's hotel rooms during deployment, and two, that he, now he just takes his credit cards so we're not both debiting out of the same account. Because lots of times, he would be in, there a day off, right? So, on the other side of the date line. So, he thought, “Oh, look, there's lots of money.” And I'm like, “No, we just got paid, the mortgage hasn’t come out, nothing's come out. Slow your roll there.” or he wouldn't know (I'm making my husband sound terrible), but it's the changing currency. So, when you're in different countries, you go to the debit machine, and you take out what you think is $100. Well, it's in somebody else's currency you might have accidentally taken out $1000 and that's a big difference, right? So only traveling, talking about pre-deployment, budgeting, all that kind of stuff, but also, in our case, he only travels now with the credit card, so he's not affecting our immediate bank accounts. But I always remember that phone call. He was like, “Don't worry. I have all the cash that they, they all paid me.” I'm like, “That's great. You have the cash. I have the bill. How do we resolve this situation?” Lessons learned, right? It's sort of, it's part of the growing pains of, of being a young couple as well, but that sort of thing with being on the ships. The pay works a bit differently sometimes and, and… 

Claudia [00:57:39]:  

Oh true. 

Sandra: 

And he was a single, of course, the last appointment he was on. He was a single guy, he didn't matter. He just, you know, did what he did, so him learning how to communicate with another person around that. But certainly, I thought it was always funny that he's like, and then he has, like, I'm sure over $1000 in cash sitting in his, you know as we mentioned earlier the ships are small, you don't have a lot of space. I'm like, “Where is this money like? You know, someone could just easily like you know, hopefully not, but you never know. Is it secure?”  

And so, he's learned his lesson, that's for sure. But, you know, deployments are always fun and, and you really just have to kind of roll with it, know that things are going to happen and that's OK. No one's perfect. No one's expecting a Pinterest deployment. And, and, and our best Facebook pictures that we put out there about what healthy meals we're eating. Those are the only ones I post. I don't post when my meals aren't so healthy. All those sorts of things that we do during deployment, just know that whatever you're doing during deployment, you're doing OK, and it is one step at a time, one day at a time, and to be really kind and gentle with yourself throughout it. And it is a unique experience that not everybody gets to have as a couple or even as a single member. And parents supporting single members, it's, deployments are unique to military life. Right?  

Yeah, I know Petawawa has some lots of people preparing and and getting high readiness right now. And my heart goes to all those families who are preparing and, you know, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and, and I hope you, you do reach out to your local MFRC services, and I can certainly attest with the ladies and, and, and gentlemen, but today it's two ladies on the call at Petawawa are great. And they will be great sources for you guys throughout your whole deployment. 

Julie: 

Thank you so much, so much, Sandra, it's been great to have you on. 

Sandra: 
Thank you.  

Julie: 
We appreciate your advice. It's always nice to talk to somebody who has been through it, who's as a, as a member and also as a family member, and sometimes those concrete suggestions about what to put in the morale mailbox, that's, that's always so helpful. If you have ideas, if you have stories about your life as a military family member, we would love to hear them. Please drop us a line at Military Family Life. We will put the address in the show notes. We would love to talk to you and have you share your story. Have a great day. Bye. 

Claudia [Outro]: 
And that's it for this episode of Military Family Life. From one military family member to another. If you have any advice that you would like to share, let us know! We would love to hear from you. We may even share your experiences on future episodes. If you have family and friends who want to learn more about living their best military family life, don't hesitate to let them know about our podcast. Thanks for listening. Join us again next time for more Military Family Life.